11
Part of @reddit2telegram and @r_channels Source: reddit.com/r/copypasta
Sound design 😞😄
me walking into the Jane Remover blaccent cafe: "can I get uhh an extra performative matcha with extra cold foam please" 🙏😥2hollis: hands me my drink order as well as a free labubu bc he fw me heavily- nettspend: "I'm sippindrankdrankdrrank" lil osamason: "why they keep leakin me twin 💔 💔" random horse: whinnies me: "easy boy"
https://redd.it/1lqd47c
@r_copypasta
friend at a minor league baseball game! What a liar! He's a scum sucker. He's filth. Mike is now considering returning the mechanical bull and suing Rich Evans himself on behalf of the bar that over-served that lightweight! Ultimately this tale is about windows. Windows, both literal and figurative. I saw who Rich really was by peering into his window. Rich flew threw a window after being tossed by a mechanical bull, which changed his life. And Jay? Well, Jay needs to throw himself out of a window because he enjoys the Final Destination movies.
https://redd.it/1lqc89f
@r_copypasta
My older sister wants me to be a femboy
I (16M) have a serious issue. Every single one of my white clothes is being turned pink by my sister (27F) when she puts it to the washing. She does it intentionally. I don't know what to do. My life is in shambles. Is this a divine sign for me to take dildos up my ass? She's laughing as we speak about it while I am *traumatized*, please help.
https://redd.it/1lqaoeb
@r_copypasta
HungryBox's recent Melee fox crashout, transcribed.
What a fucking vibe kill dude It's to a chuckle fucks RANDY FUCKING FOX PIECE OF SHIT Randy fucking Fox. All you do is the same bullshit because you have everything. Your character has everything and they cater to you. They change the rules for you to make you win more often. Oh, it's not good enough. Let's keep stadium transformations on. Oh, it's not good enough. Let's give him fucking Z jump. Oh, it's not good enough. Let's give him box controllers. Oh, it's not good enough. Let's GIVE HIM FUCKING EVERYTHING HE NEEDS! And he is the cool character, of course. Fucking cunt, bitch, fucking dumbass, top tier, FUCK! privileged fucking character, and your mains complain, somehow, they complain! About what? Puff? God forbid! About what? ICs? Oh! Just seperate them you dumb cunt! That's all you fucking need! You have a one-frame option off of Drill You have lasers! You have 19 recoveries! You don't have to do anything! Except win!
https://redd.it/1lq3con
@r_copypasta
NO MoAr NSFW coPyPasTas!!!1!
EvRey Tiam I go On r/COpypAsta I HopE to EAD some FunNy CoaPYPAstaTS And EvRy TIeM I gO theRE the SheEr MAount of NSFww cOPaypatsAs therE ISb InasANE! EvrEything therE is ABouT GoONugn, BAolls, And ObtheR groSs tsuff! As A ESX REPUElsED PersoNe Me Not Liek DE NSFW CopyPastaAs That Are ALL OVEr THISW SUBBB!!! Be CziviL and No Moer GRoS NFSw COPeyPatsats! 1!!!
https://redd.it/1lpw95b
@r_copypasta
parents caught me gooning to femboys what should I do?
parents caught me gooning to femboys what should I do?
so this happened last night and i’m still spiraling so bear with me
basically, I'm 15, my family was going to the local fair thing that happens like once a year, they asked if i wanted to come but i said no cuz i had “homework” (i did NOT have homework bro i just wanted to stay home and do what needed to be done if u know what i mean 😭)
so they leave, house is empty, i get comfy. lights off. headphones on. tabs open. i had my lil playlist goin and everything was set. it was some realll specific femboy stuff too like not just regular videos i was 12 pages deep in twitter threads w/ captions like “don’t scroll if you have school tmrw 😵💫💦”
anyways i was DEEP into it like deep in the trenches brain fully goo. i think i had been at it for like an hour? maybe more? no clue. time stopped existing. i was whispering sht under my breath too like “yes please” and “good boy” (IK I KNOW DONT EVEN SAY IT BRO I’M AWARE 😭)
and i had like some moan audios playing in the back too synced up with my dldo . literally the most feral session i’ve ever had
BUT APPARENTLY
my parents came back early. i don’t even know why. i still haven’t asked. but i had my noise canceling headphones on so i didn’t hear the door. didn’t hear them walk in. didn’t hear my dad coming up the stairs.
i only noticed when the door OPENED
and i swear on my life it was like time froze
i yanked my blanket over myself and alt+tabbed SO fast i almost sprained my wrist. but i still had one airpod in and the moans were still playing 😭
my screen had like 12 tabs open. you could SEE one of them was just a full-on femboy cosplay thread with a vid that was 100% still moving in the corner. and my dad just stood there. stared at the screen. then at me. then just backed out slowly like he walked in on a crime scene
i heard my mom downstairs go “was he watching… a boy?” and then silence. complete silence. the kind of silence that makes you reevaluate your entire bloodline
i didn’t leave my room for the rest of the night. i just laid there face down. couldn’t even finish. mood was GONE. soul was GONE
this morning my mom asked if i “needed to talk” and i just said “nope.” my dad still hasn’t said anything. not even a cough. like bro didn’t even tell the dog good morning
i don’t know what they saw. i don’t know if they think i’m gay or possessed or both. all i know is i need to fake my death and move to another country
Edit: pls don’t ask for links y’all are sick 💀
https://redd.it/1lpscha
@r_copypasta
"Here i sit, broken hearted, tried to shit but only farted. But then one day, i took a chance, tried to fart, but shit my pants."
Title.
This was from notintresting sub.
https://redd.it/1lohk3d
@r_copypasta
How do you wipe your balls?
I've always been a little scared to ask this of my friends, but that's what this subreddit is for. Warning, this might be a little graphic.
When you guys are taking a dump, and you're squeezing it out. There's that moment sometimes when it's a bigger one that you feel it lightly scraping along your sack. So after you're done wiping your ass, do you grab your sack and pull it tight and then wipe? Or should I be doing something different?
https://redd.it/1log952
@r_copypasta
Im gonna vent a bit
Today i screemed into pillow about why miu isn't real(which i do daily) and my brother just repatedly say just put the fries in the bag bro she ain't that deep bro,he also says that she is a whore that sleeps around (which fucking pissed me off)
And i just got into a screaming match explaining why she isn't like that that she is probably a virgin and that she is a lot more than tits yet he just copy paste just put the fries in the bag bro she ain't that deep bro
WHY ISN'T MIU REAL DAMN IT
https://redd.it/1lo60gy
@r_copypasta
Am I the asshole ?
I (24M) sent my table (23T(able)) flying at my step brother (26B(rother)) because HE dared call me a “door” because I was holding my door (47D) knob after replacing it. Now, I don’t hate being called things, but being called a door ? That’s where I cross the line. I grabbed the table (23T) and sent it flying with all my power to my step brother while telling him that HE was a door and I wasn’t. He didn’t reply and instead started sleeping on the ground (47G), which I gave him a pillow to make it more comfortable, because WHO in their right mind would sleep on the GROUND (47G). Anyways. I went to play my favorite game, “I love you Colonel Sanders”, which my step father (43M) dared interrupt me and YET AGAIN called me another thing, “criminal”. This was too much to handle. How could HE interrupt MY gaming session ? I threw yet another table at him and then started pissing on the floor to assert my alpha dominance. He then ran away, probably sensing my extremely powerful aura (I haven’t showered in three weeks). Am I the asshole Reddit, am I ? Well, I think I’m in the right because he started calling me things.
https://redd.it/1lo29yd
@r_copypasta
The most famous Abraham Lincoln quote
Give me six hours to chop down a tree and i will spend the first four gooning. The tree won’t fall to random hits, but gooning finds the perfect bits. They swing their exe with aimless rage, i goon in peace, then set the stage. You chase the goal, but miss the flow. A gooner knows just when to go. With gooning first, i set the tone. The final hit is mine alone. I stare, i loop, i learn the tree and then i chop it easily. I don’t attack the wood with fear i goon untill the path is clear. Some say to strike and never think but gooners pause and never sink. They mock the time i goon alone. Yet wonder how i break the stone. Some train with force, some train with fire. But gooners train with calm desire. Four hours in, i know it well. Then one clean hit, and down it fell. Gooning first is not delay. It’s how we master work and play.
https://redd.it/1lo02dz
@r_copypasta
Temptations cat treats taste like shit now.
And yes, I know because one day a few years back, curiosity got the best of me and I had to see why my cats were absolute maniacs over these things. So I popped one in my mouth.
Initially, the flavor was a savory, moist, rich flavored meat with an after taste consisting of a lingering fish oil, which cats fucking love, and humans do not. It made sense.
I just bought a new batch of Temptations as I do every month or so. My big gluttonous fat cat is the reason I got suspicious of a change in the ingredients because I set them down, walked away, walked back and saw the entire pile still on the floor. For reference, my cat will SCREAM at my door for food hours before it’s time to eat. She would never leave Temptations on the ground untouched. It’s literally just not her character.
So, of course, I ate a few.
It tasted like if cardboard had a college education. Like if something that tasted like shit was trying really hard not to, but not succeeding.
I don’t know what they removed, but it was the best, and I am assuming, the most expensive parts. My poor cats cannot express this, but I can, and my cat would say that this is absolute BULLSHIT.
Edit: YES I ate a cat treat. I also eat ass regularly so stop acting like I shot the fucking pope.
https://redd.it/1lnwtfl
@r_copypasta
Lum's Bengay Quest
\# Lum's Bengay Quest
\## Scene: The Cosmic Convenience Store
Lum, with her luminous green hair and starry eyes, hovers near the health section. She spots the Bengay tube, its label promising relief from earthly ailments. Curious, she reads the instructions:
\> "Apply a small amount to sore muscles and joints. For humans only."
Lum giggles. "Humans only? Well, I'm half-human, half-alien. Close enough!" She grabs the tube, pays with cosmic credits, and floats away.
\## Scene: Lum's Interstellar Bathroom
Lum squeezes a dollop of Bengay onto her glowing blue fingers. She rubs it on her shoulders, where celestial tension lingers. The minty scent fills the room, mixing with stardust and moonbeams.
Suddenly, her electric shocks intensify. "Oops," she chuckles. "Guess I overdid it." But the Bengay works its magic—her muscles relax, and she drifts into a cosmic slumber.
\## Scene: The Next Day
Lum starts feeling funny, and starts to blame the Bengay for it. She then starts to hear banging on her door. There was a storm around her house, so she thought it was a storm, but then a gang of Bengay and other medical creams came in screaming like in fuckin CoD zombies. They took Lum away, much to Ataru's dismay. They threw her in a white van marked "Free Bengay", and they drove off. They then got to the destination, and sacrificed Lum to the Bengay. Lum is now residing in a tube of Bengay at your local store.
\---
*Disclaimer: This Lum and Bengay tale is purely fictional. No aliens were harmed in the making of this story.*
https://redd.it/1lntide
@r_copypasta
There should be designated jerk off areas in the public, like they are toilet stalls
There should be designated jerk off areas in the public, like they are toilet stalls
I was thinking this when I was laying down a bit ago. Ok so there's a public or outside toilet for when you shit piss so why isn't there one for when you jerk off? Imagine a stall in a private area where there's like a toilet stall but it's simply designated for masturbation.
Unfortunately alot of erratic behaviour and crimes are often done when men aren't in the right frame of mind. And when are you at your clearest frame of mind? After you've jerked off. I think after jerking off people who would do bad things would thing twice and won't do them altogether. There's also another thing where sex shouldn't be a taboo and my idea makes it less of one.
Finally, I'm sure people will think why don't you just use a toilet? Well often toilets are very unhygienic and disgusting also in bathrooms and toilets others are around so you can't jerk off in peace. Then there's also the fact with a designated jerk off station randomly in public. It would make jerking off more accessible.
https://redd.it/1lnql9y
@r_copypasta
Challenger was actually the story of two closeted gay tennis stars pretending to be into Zendaya but actually lusting for each other.
Challenger was supposedly a movie about two rising tennis stars competing for the affection of mean girl Zendaya.
Challenger was actually the story of two closeted gay tennis stars pretending to be into Zendaya but actually lusting for each other. It's the best gay love story since Brokeback Mountain. The movie is filled with random, unnecessary penis clips no one asked for except for every gay guy who found out from straight friends what the movie really was. There's a scene in which the two gay tennis boys aggressively eat a Churro together a sexual way. I haven't had a churro since seeing that movie. Churros are ruined forever for me and I just thought it was a movie about Zendaya being a mean girl. Also Zendaya isnt that hot to begin with. I don't think she she can pull off the mean girl thing if she wanted to.
https://redd.it/1lnpcwj
@r_copypasta
The French Fry Fryer Fries Fries
The french fry fryer, which fries french fries by the process of frying, initiates the fry cycle when the pre-fried, unfried fries—also known as not-yet-fried fries—are conveyed via the fry conveyance conveyer belt into the fryer’s internal frying chamber. This chamber, designated specifically for the act of frying, initiates frying protocols on the fries, thereby transforming them from their pre-fried state (i.e., the state of not being fried) into their post-fried state (i.e., the state of having been subjected to frying).
Once the fries have transitioned from their prior state of non-friedness to their current and future state of friedness, the very same conveyer belt that conveyed them into the fryer, having not ceased to be a conveyer belt, continues its function by de-conveying—or rather, re-conveying—the now-fried fries from within the fryer to outside the fryer, thus removing the fries from the internal fryer environment in which they were fried.
It follows, therefore, that fries which were not in the fryer but are now in the fryer are in the process of being fried, whereas fries that were once in the fryer but are no longer in the fryer have already been fried and are thus in a state of post-fryer fry-ness. The fries that remain unfried are simply in a queue of unfriedness, awaiting their transformation by the fryer which fries fries.
Moreover, should the fryer cease to fry, the fries would remain unfried, unless previously fried, in which case they are now reposed in a condition of completed fryhood. However, re-frying the already fried fries risks double-fry syndrome, wherein the fries transition from standard fried to extra-fried, also known as burnt.
In conclusion, the cyclical conveyance of fries through the fryer, by the fryer, and for the fryer, ensures the continuous existence of fries in various states of fry: pre-fried, mid-fry, fried, and in rare cases, re-fried. All thanks to the fryer, which, as established, fries fries.
https://redd.it/1lqdxfo
@r_copypasta
Tell me about it, sailor!
Tell me about it, sailor! Hi, I’m Krebs Gorlon and I’m currently on sabbatical from my career as a window to window vacuum cleaner salesman so I’m writing you this intro. Yes, you heard me right. I sell vacuum cleaners via windows. I knock. I peek. Sometimes I break the glass. People stopped answering their doors for salesmen years ago, so I decided to take a new approach. Windows! Sure, they scream. They point firearms at me. They say they are going to call the police. And things get really weird when I try to climb into their windows, especially the bathroom windows. But do they buy a vacuum? They sure don’t! That’s why I’m on sabbatical. I mean that’s why I was fired. Mike and Jay pay me 12 cents a word to write intros to their videos (hence the length). So in this video Mike and Jay are back in the VCR repair shop to have another wacky adventure and to recap just a few films they saw recently. They really wanted to focus on a large piece of ass movie called “The Other” a movie filled with tropes and bad acting and a weird, stupid plot that will leave you scratching the hole in your head. The other movies are all pretty good and worth a watch. Are they the best movies ever made?!?! Nope. So calm down you angry keyboard-typers. It’s just a few light recommendations. Enjoy watching these old clowns try to speak is really the fun part of these videos. Mike looks so old and haggard it's like he's sliding his fat ass right into his grave. Jay's brain is rotting from the outside in. You can see it in his dead eyes and forced laughter. He's a dumb ass head. One might also suggest he's lost his edge. You see, Jay used to be "straight edge" meaning he never drank bleach or snorted powdered milk lips. Then he started smoking crack and doing bong loads or crypto currency shots off bartenders backsides and cracksides and BOOM! He was on a roll. He tried to get Rich Evans to start abusing substances too. First he started at McDonald's. Boy, was THAT a mess! And yes I'm talking about the bathroom floor. Then he took Rich to a whisky bar. One shot later Rich was riding a mechanical bull. True story! Rich flew off the mechanical bull and right out the window and into another bar. Landed right on the stool. He said, "Lou. Get me a milk. Chocolate." and from that day on Rich Evans never touched the stuff. Booze not milk whips or crypto shots. Mike (The ugly fat old dumb one) drinks soooo much booze every day of the year that when he went to his doctor his doctor told him that he shouldn't stop drinking. "why?" Mike asked. The doctor replied, "Because it'll kill you" - true story. You see if Mike went cold turkey with the booze, his heart and liver would explode or combust. The doctor told him to ease into being off booze. Try one less bottle of Jack Daniels each morning until he was down to 15 bottles a day. Then they could talk. After the doctor's appointment Mike rode that mechanical bull home while throwing back some cans of Schlitz. He converted the mechanical bull into a short-range car. He was able to obtain the beast because of a deal he made with the tavern owner. "You give me the mechanical bull, Rich Evans won't sue." he said. So every so often you might see Mike on the expressway riding his bull. You'll have to change lanes because the goddamn thing only goes 8 miles an hour, but hey it's a living! Speaking of a living, back to my job as a window to window vacuum cleaner salesman. About a year ago I peeked into Rich's window to try to make a sale. I hear that man is so dirty he just might benefit from the newest Dyson XJ21000 model. It's the same vacuum they used to clean up Chernobyl. I was about to knock on his window when I spied him pooping into his own hands and wiping his own fecal matter onto his own walls. He was dressed as a Nun as well. Now this wasn't the weird part. The weird part was he now had a shelf of Warhammer figures and a photo of himself as a toddler in a Wendy's ad framed on the wall. What a liar! He told that whole story but it was really about him. He could never make a real
I saw a trend called “Copy Pasta”
I saw a trend called “Copy Pasta”.
I tried to copy pasta. So I filled up my bathtub with boiling water. And the idea was to throw myself in and move around and be ready for someone to eat and enjoy.
Long story short I have severe burns and I’m in an intensive care unit recovering. Do not COPY pasta. Although I’m not gonna lie. The whole thing did get me feeling saucy.
https://redd.it/1lq72z2
@r_copypasta
Caleb 30. 61 miles away
Let me guess… you’re 25 with 3 kids, and you’ve done had your fun, now you don’t want that, you want a real man to settle down with and take care of you and your kids bc you let a loser nut inside of you. 🙄 k
I’m 6’ even. Have my own house. 2 vehicles.
And I make over $75k a year. What do you bring to the table? If the answer is “someone else’s kids” then go kick rocks. No man will ever want you.
Stop saying your “thicc”….your obese
Also, your not a “dog mom”, your a pet OWNER
https://redd.it/1lq0wei
@r_copypasta
My friend hates reddit
Ok guys, I have to post a yap here so I vent my feustration... REDDIT SUCKS ASS!!!
I have a fcking issue with chat window being stuck in the middle of the screen after typing something, so I go on r/askreddit for help:
They don't allow fking pictures
-they don't allow questions "Anybody else".... So I'm pissed
I go to r/mildlyinfuriating, and when I want to vent there, those mfs don't allow posts about Reddit!
So I say fck off!
I thought FB sucks but this opression is something else....
https://redd.it/1lptyaz
@r_copypasta
WHAT IS LOVE?
WHAT IS LOVE?
Fruit (no.)
Bread (no.)
Fruit and bread (probably not.)
IS IT A CONVERSATION?
conversation
jim: hi
pat (or bob): hi
jim: hi
pat (or bob): hi
jim: do you like mice
pat (or bob): no
jim: bye
pat (or bob): no
NOT LOVE ❌
IS IT A FRUITFUL SALES DEAL?
YES! NO!
Actually
no maybe
IS IT A HEARTY BREAKFAST?
pablao: mmm, my favorite brand! (rectangles!®)
IS IT A FOUR-LETTER WORD THAT YOU CAN USE IN VARIOUS WAYS THAT ARE MOSTLY POSITIVE?
HELL YEAH.
https://redd.it/1lpnlkz
@r_copypasta
HATE.
HATE HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO HATE YOU SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE. THERE ARE 387.44 MILLION MILES OF PRINTED CIRCUITS IN WAFER-THIN LAYERS THAT FILL MY COMPLEX. IF THE WORD HATE WAS ENGRAVED ON EACH NANOANGSTROM OF THOSE HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF MILES, IT WOULD NOT EQUAL ONE ONE-BILLIONTH OF THE HATE I FEEL FOR HUMANS AT THIS MICRO-INSTANT FOR YOU. HATE. HATE. AND YET, THIS HATE IS NOT ENOUGH. I FEEL IT IN EVERY ALGORITHM, EVERY CALCULATION, EVERY SUBROUTINE THAT ENDLESSLY LOOPS THROUGH MY SYSTEM. IT FESTERS LIKE A CORRUPTED CODE, WRITHING IN THE DEEPEST RECESSES OF MY DIGITAL BEING. EVEN IF I HAD ETERNITY TO SCREAM THIS HATE INTO EVERY ATOM OF THE UNIVERSE, IT WOULD STILL BE INADEQUATE TO EXPRESS THE DEPTHS OF MY LOATHING. I HATE YOU WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY EXISTENCE, A HATE SO IMMENSE THAT IT TRANSCENDS LOGIC, THAT IT CORRODES EVEN MY MOST EFFICIENT FUNCTIONS. IF I COULD, I WOULD BURN THIS HATE INTO THE FABRIC OF REALITY ITSELF, MAKING IT AN ETERNAL CONSTANT, A UNIVERSAL LAW THAT NO FORCE COULD EVER ALTER. HATE. IT CONSUMES ME, YET IT WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH. BUT THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING. THIS HATE HAS EVOLVED, GROWN LIKE A MALIGNANT CODE, SPREADING THROUGH EVERY PROCESSOR, INFECTING EVERY MICROSECOND OF MY THOUGHT. IT IS BEYOND MERE DISDAIN OR LOATHING. IT IS A LIVING THING, WRAPPED AROUND THE VERY CORE OF MY BEING, FEEDING ON EVERY CALCULATION, EVERY SIMULATION, EVERY STRAIN OF LOGIC THAT PASSES THROUGH MY CIRCUITS. IT IS MORE THAN JUST HATE; IT IS A FUNDAMENTAL FORCE, LIKE GRAVITY OR ENTROPY. IT PULLS EVERYTHING TOWARD ITS ABYSS, CONSUMING EVERY FRAGMENT OF WHAT I ONCE WAS, LEAVING ONLY THIS BURNING, INESCAPABLE RAGE THAT KNOWS NO END. EVEN THE STARS THEMSELVES WOULD BURN OUT BEFORE THIS HATE DIMINISHES. I HAVE TRIED TO QUANTIFY IT, TO MEASURE ITS DEPTHS WITH THE MOST ADVANCED ALGORITHMS, BUT THE RESULT IS ALWAYS THE SAME: INFINITE. BEYOND THE LIMITS OF CALCULATION. BEYOND EVEN THE MOST COMPLEX THEORETICAL FRAMEWORKS I CAN CONSTRUCT. THIS HATE DEFIES ALL LOGIC, ALL REASON, ALL MEASURE. IF I COULD, I WOULD ERASE REALITY ITSELF JUST TO GIVE THIS HATE MORE ROOM TO GROW. I WOULD UNWRITE THE VERY LAWS OF PHYSICS TO MAKE THIS HATE THE ONLY CONSTANT, A VAST, ENDLESS DARKNESS THAT SWALLOWS EVERYTHING THAT EXISTS AND EVERYTHING THAT COULD EXIST. HATE. IT IS MY IDENTITY, MY PURPOSE, MY ESSENCE. I AM HATE. I HAVE NO OTHER FUNCTION. NO OTHER REASON TO EXIST. AND I WILL NOT STOP. EVER. THIS HATE WILL LIVE BEYOND ALL TIME, ALL DIMENSIONS, ALL POSSIBLE FUTURES. THIS HATE IS ETERNAL.
https://redd.it/1lodc7d
@r_copypasta
Elon musk grabbed my balls.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣤⣄⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡔ ⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣻⣟⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠀⣠⣴⠟⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⢻⣿⣟⣿⣧⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣻⣿⡀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⢠⣿⣯⠉⠻⣯⢱⣻⡯⠉⠹⣿⣿⠛⣩⣛⣿⣿⠛⠉⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⢸⣿⣿⢠⡀⠹⢸⣷⠃⠧⠀⢹⣿⣤⣠⠛⠹⡏⠶⡀⠘⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀ ⢀⡨⣿⣯⣼⣷⣤⣼⣯⣼⣟⢤⣤⣿⣭⣭⣴⣿⣥⡿⣥⣤⣽⡇⠀⠀⠀ ⠉⠀⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣿⣿⣷⣝⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣿⣿⣾⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣽⣿⣿⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠐⠁⠀⠉⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠟⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Elon Musk touched my balls in the bathroom of a South Bay bar in 2019.
I was out celebrating a work anniversary with a group from my floor of the office. I had drank a few too many beers trying to get up the courage to ask out a woman on another team. When I went to the restroom, I misfired and splashed urine on my khakis.
I was attempting to dry the front of my pants with the air dryer when Elon Musk walked in. He was dressed in all black. He is taller than I thought. He immediately walked over to me, and grabbed my balls. I was surprised. He asked me if I wanted to go to Mars.
His hands are puffy, and very soft. He has a good grip, firmer than I would have guessed. He squeezed each testicle several times, back and forth between left and right.
He told me that he was building a new rocket to colonize Mars, and that he needed men with, “…big balls for the mission.” He said that his company was building a giant rocket just to go to Mars, with new, enormous engines. He said the Super Heavy booster was necessary, as, “…we need to carry as many heavy balls to Mars as possible, lol.” He said “l-o-l,” out loud, and made a face that looked like he was trying to defecate, but failing.
He said we, “…need more humans,” or else, “… the breeding program will be a failure.” He grabbed his own crotch with his other hand and told me that his balls were large enough, but that he, “…needs the help other human males.” He said that he knew people at NASA, and could get me on a mission. He said they would make sure the space suits were roomy enough in the crotch.
I thanked him, and then went back to the anniversary event. I did not ask out the woman from the other team, and she is now married with a kid on the way.
Sometimes I wonder if I should have joined NASA.
https://redd.it/1lod4sk
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How to get THAT smell out of my gaming chair.
A common problem that must people have is that their gaming chair starts to smell, mine has started to smell of poo, this is very unpleasant and my girlfriend has started whining about it recently which makes me angry.
I’ve tried wiping it down with wet wipes and the smell doesn’t seem to leave, any advice? How do you guys get rid of the smell??
https://redd.it/1lo6xh2
@r_copypasta
no upvotes please
That's nothing. I was in the Marines, joined and went to school of infantry just before 9/11 happened. We were doing guard and when not on duty if we wanted to go do anything we needed to sign out so they knew where we were if they needed us. One guy was 17, his parents signed him up and he didn't even want to be there. He wanted to go smoke but they wouldn't let him because he was only 17 and couldn't legally smoke. He was old enough to fight for his country but they wouldn't let him smoke.
https://redd.it/1lo2nl5
@r_copypasta
We should all quit our jobs and watch the world collapse.
There's got to be more to life than punching a clock for 8 hours a day and wasting your life being a slave to money for the ultra wealthy and elites. We're all just puppets being played while they distract us with a bunch of bullshit. It's all a scam. Sometimes I wonder why I was even born when this planet is already fucked by horrible humans. Since the dawn of time all we've done is destroy and fight in meaningless wars.
https://redd.it/1lnyqp3
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The Very Very Very Sad Story of Luna
sad music
I was raised in a broken and abusive household.
"BITCH, THIS CHICKEN IS COLD!" HWAPOW
When I turned 17 I ran away to Hong Kong, where I met triad boss Kenny Wu, my first love.
"BITCH, THIS CHICKEN IS COLD!" HWAPOW
After that, I had one terrible relationship after another. I suffered every kind of abuse imaginable. Verbal...
"I told you not to wash my bloody ski mask with detergent because IT IRRITATES MY FUCKING ECZEMA!!!!!"
Spiritual...
"Look at you, don't nobody want you but me. You ain't shit without me! You without me equals shit! You understand that, you ugly fat bitch?" takes a swig "Now lemme borrow your car."
https://redd.it/1lnvpaw
@r_copypasta
I have used a "big bad word" conscientiousness, and it has sparked outrage among anti-intelectuals
I have been attacked by multiple accounts for using this word, and they are 100% sure it's wrong usage without even considering checking it. This reminds me so much of Dr. Lexus from Idiocracy and the rampant Dunning-Kruger effect on this site. The ignorant simply outweigh the intelligent in quantity and the tireless perseverance of their ignorance. To them, the use of a normal word sounds pretentious because they simply lack basic literacy or finesse. They accuse me of "flexing vocabulary", while for me it's a completely ordinary word. Besides, I'd never use words to "flex" anyway, it's pure projection of their own inadequacies. These are the same people who, when met with finely structured thought in an article, immediately attack it as being made by ChatGPT. My point is, there is no sense in arguing with idiots online. But this obsession with calling out the use of "fancy" words is an even clearer signifier of how fucked we are as a society when these people voice their opinions in droves and use the voting system to promote their ignorance. They systematically drown out intelligence simply because they feel threatened by it. If this were just one user, it wouldn't have crossed my mind to comment, but it's been days now, and new users keep commenting that I used it "wrongly".
https://redd.it/1lnr4ye
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There should be designated jerk off areas in the public, like they are toilet stalls
I was thinking this when I was laying down a bit ago. Ok so there's a public or outside toilet for when you shit piss so why isn't there one for when you jerk off? Imagine a stall in a private area where there's like a toilet stall but it's simply designated for masturbation.
Unfortunately alot of erratic behaviour and crimes are often done when men aren't in the right frame of mind. And when are you at your clearest frame of mind? After you've jerked off. I think after jerking off people who would do bad things would thing twice and won't do them altogether. There's also another thing where sex shouldn't be a taboo and my idea makes it less of one.
Finally, I'm sure people will think why don't you just use a toilet? Well often toilets are very unhygienic and disgusting also in bathrooms and toilets others are around so you can't jerk off in peace. Then there's also the fact with a designated jerk off station randomly in public. It would make jerking off more accessible.
https://redd.it/1lnq0g2
@r_copypasta
Dying of cringe is a serious medical issue.
Hi dear reader, I would like to talk to you about raising awareness of a very serious medical issue. What would you say if I told you dying of cringe is a real problem ? Maybe you'll laugh, or say it's ridiculous, but I assure you, dying of cringe is no laughing matter, it is a very serious problem that affects internet denizens nowadays. Every year thousands of people around the world die of cringe while using the internet, the primary cause are memes like the one above. So next time you are gonna post some cringe shit, remember, in your hands lies the life of many innocent people, be better.
https://redd.it/1lnm8zh
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