1990
Hot jokes from /r/Jokes. Discussion: https://telegram.me/r_channels
A man at the sperm bank is complaining that he’s having trouble
The manager looks at his coworker and says “get a load of this guy.”
https://redd.it/1i35z4d
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I went to a restaurant this week, and the waiter had his thumb in my soup..
I said "You've got your thumb in my soup!"
He said " I know. I hit it with a hammer and the Dr said I have to keep it warm."
I said "Don't put it in my soup to keep it warm, stick it up your arsehole!"
He said "Well I do when I'm in the kitchen!"
(NOT my original joke! Full credit to the Cornish comedian Jethro.)
https://redd.it/1i2zqe0
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A man sits down at a bar looking dejected. The bartender asks,"is everything alright?" The man replies," No, I got in a fight with my wife and she said she won't speak to me for a month." "Maybe that's a good thing", replied the bartender, "a bit of piece and quite."
"Yeah", the man replies, " Today is the last day."
https://redd.it/1i2twx8
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A genie offers a balkan man one wish, but his neighbour will get double of whatever he wishes for himself.
The man wishes for one of his kidneys to fail.
https://redd.it/1i2l2ro
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My friend, who is a little person, just went to rehab for his gambling addiction.
I called to ask how he was doing.
They said he was a little better.
https://redd.it/1i2eg6n
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My mates think I can only come up with jokes aimed at gay guys.
As if, come on man
https://redd.it/1i29ehj
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I thought that my wife would feel flattered that I’ve only had sex with 2 other women besides her
But listing all 3 and naming her in the middle was probably not a great idea
https://redd.it/1i249al
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I think
Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together. In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet. She replies, "No". Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?" His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?" She replies, "No." Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?" His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school." After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?" His mom says "No." He asks, "Do you know what I think?" His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?" He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."
https://redd.it/1i1vzvy
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Why did Papa Smurf create Smurfette?
Because the whole damn village had blue balls
https://redd.it/1i1i8kv
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A bear asks a duck for help opening a wine bottle.
The duck pulls down it’s pants.
https://redd.it/1i1izp8
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What do you say to break the silence at a prostate exam?
Be honest with me Doc, is that your wedding ring or your Rolex?
https://redd.it/1i1f9ql
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Elon Musk's gaming stream proved that there is at least one thing he's very gifted at.
He knows how to hire the right people.
https://redd.it/1i0lbjt
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I ate pizza the other day and started shaking uncontrollably.
That's the last time I order from Little Seizures.
https://redd.it/1i0v1g9
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A young woman is walking into a cathedral when a priest stops her and says, ”I’m sorry, Miss, you can’t come in without a bra.”
The young woman protests,”But I have a divine right!”
The priest replies,”A divine left, too, but you can’t come in.”
https://redd.it/1i0u7g8
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How much did Walter White pay for pizza?
Nothing, it's on the house.
https://redd.it/1i0fbqg
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Satan appears in church
A few minutes before services started Satan appeared in front of the altar in a church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to God's ultimate enemy in his presence.
Satan walked up to the man and said,
"Do you know who I am?”
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't,” said the man.
"Do you realize I can kill you with one word?" asked Satan.
"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man in an even tone.
"Do you know I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.
"Yep," was the calm reply.
"And you are still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope," said the old man.
"Do you know I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.
"Yep," was the calm reply.
"And you are still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope," said the old man.
"Do you know I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.
"Yep," was the calm reply.
"And you are still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope," said the old man.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied,
"Been married to your sister for 48 years."
https://redd.it/1i2t2jh
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A married Asian woman had a secret affair and got pregnant. When the baby was born, it was Caucasian. Suspicious, her father-in-law remarks...
"Two Wongs don't make a white."
https://redd.it/1i30jxb
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Things you can say whilst parking the car that you can also say in the bedroom
Honestly it will be quicker if you just get out and let me do it by myself.
https://redd.it/1i2qsc6
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Had sex with a navy girl
Told her thank you for your cervix. (True story)
https://redd.it/1i2j40n
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My uncle told me that A.I could never take his job. And he's 100% right.
Mostly because he's unemployed.
https://redd.it/1i2flpc
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They say it's not about the size of the boat, but about the motion of the ocean
And baby I'm a dinghy in a hurricane
https://redd.it/1i248py
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Ladies, please stop asking Santa for the perfect boyfriend…
…he’s tried to kidnap me 7 times already!
https://redd.it/1i1zf18
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I bought an old Skoda car to fix up ...
But whatever I do for repairs, I can't get rid of the 'Czech Engine' light.
https://redd.it/1i1mg64
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Sex is a filthy, degrading disgusting act. ...
... if done correctly.
https://redd.it/1i1nfti
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Why did the mathematician couple wait until their beach vacation to fill out their mortgage application?
So they could sine, cosine and tan.
https://redd.it/1i1gtb1
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Many women say that men only think with their penises
Well I have a message for all those women - feel free to blow my mind!
https://redd.it/1i192iv
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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling.
The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, “Can you all see me now?”
“Yes”
“Oui”
“Si”
“Ja”
https://redd.it/1i0xl2h
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What do you call a soldier who has survived mustard gas and pepper spray?
A seasoned veteran
https://redd.it/1i0u0il
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Why did Elon Musk divorce his wife?
He heard marriage is a union.
https://redd.it/1i0pnqy
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what’s the difference between a priest and acne?
acne doesn’t come on your face until you’re 12
https://redd.it/1i0fvaj
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