1990
Hot jokes from /r/Jokes. Discussion: https://telegram.me/r_channels
NSFW warning. What do you call nuts on your chest?...
>!Chestnuts!<. What do you call nuts on the wall? >!Wallnuts!<. What do you call nuts on your chin? >!A dick in your mouth.!<
https://redd.it/1gcqy3x
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Anonymously I posted my mother-in-law some crotchless panties and a mini skirt for Halloween. It's nothing sexual, more health and safety....
... to give her a better grip on her broomstick.
https://redd.it/1gckc25
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My friend lost his job at the soy sauce factory
I wanted to make a joke about losing such a great job, but I don't like to kikoman when he's down
https://redd.it/1gch28v
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If you're ever attacked by a group of clowns...
Always go for the juggler.
https://redd.it/1gc90gu
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I told myself I need to stop drinking so much.
But I’m not about to start listening to some drunk weirdo who talks to himself.
https://redd.it/1gbz65e
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A man walked into a library and asked the librarian, "Do you have any books on Pavlov's dogs and Schrödinger's cat?
The librarian replied, "It rings a bell, but I'm not sure if it's here or not."
https://redd.it/1gbvsor
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What is McDonald’s most known for?
- A. Big Mac
- B. Fries
- C. Chicken McNuggets
- D. Quarter Pounder
- E. Coli
https://redd.it/1gbjgka
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Why don't blind people bungee jump?
Cause it scares the fuck out of the dogs
https://redd.it/1gbdwkx
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A woman opened her door to see two policeman standing there.
"Mrs Smith? I'm afraid that Inhave some bad news for you? Your husband was at work, at the brewery, and it seemed that he fell into one of the cats of beer and drowned."
Mrs Smith fell to her knees, clutching at her chest.
"Tell me, officers, did he suffer at all?"
"We don't think so, Ma'am. He got out five times so that he could pee."
https://redd.it/1gbdxg6
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The woman says to her husband: "If i had known you were so poor, i wouldn't have married you."
Husband: "But i told you that you were the most valuable thing in my life."
https://redd.it/1gb4hn8
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We were driving and suddenly my wife said, “Hey, you missed a right!”
Me: Thanks babe. You Mrs. Right!
https://redd.it/1gahpi4
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I told my wife she must have extra electrons
Because she’s negative and unstable.
https://redd.it/1gaoioc
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Damn priest took my daughter’s virginity
He swears to god it won’t happen again.
https://redd.it/1gaj37y
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I once met a girl with 12 breasts.
Sounds weird, dozen tit?
https://redd.it/1gafg78
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A young , attractive woman thought she might have some fun with a stiff-looking military man at a cocktail party, so she walked over and asked him, “Major, when was the last time you had sex?”
“1956,” was his reply.
“No wonder you look so uptight!” she exclaimed. “Major, you need to get out more!”
“I’m not sure I understand you,” he answered, glancing at his watch, ”It’s only 2014 now.”
https://redd.it/1ga68c4
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Superman calls to Lois Lane, "Lois come in here a second! I want you to see something."
Lois comes into the room and says, "What is it?"
Superman points across the room at their dog, whom he has dressed up with glasses and a tie.
Lois says, "... who the hell is that?"
https://redd.it/1gcprub
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Why did the bank call the guy with one leg?
They needed to discuss his low balance
https://redd.it/1gcdbxo
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I identify as a chocolate bar.
My pronouns are Her/shey.
https://redd.it/1gc6qzj
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Rudi Giuliani has been ordered to hand over his Manhattan Apartment after losing a defamation lawsuit against two Georgia Election Workers. He says he's considering moving into The Four Seasons...
who say they've got space between the lawnmowers and the fertiliser.
https://redd.it/1gc42b0
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Our friend confessed to us that a few years ago, he had a third nipple surgically removed.
I’m glad…he got that off his chest.
https://redd.it/1gbw16y
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My wife thinks that our kids are spoiled.
But I think most kids smell that way.
https://redd.it/1gbs29k
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The sign on the restaurant says "No shoes, no shirt, no service"
Apparently, you need to wear pants as well.
https://redd.it/1gbk842
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An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer, you're in the wrong place."
So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.
Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.
After a while, they've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is becoming a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake, he should never have gotten down there, send him up here."
Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"
https://redd.it/1gbecez
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6 Year old boy found unconscious in cupboard after game of hide and seek goes wrong
He's now recovering in the ICU
https://redd.it/1gb1v9b
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My wife asked my to read Pride and Prejudice, but I said no.
I’m too good for it, and I feel like the book is going to bore me.
https://redd.it/1gb15ln
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An Englishman and a Dutchman are sitting in a pub.
The Dutchman says to the Englishman, “Every time I see you in here you walk out with a different girl. What’s your secret?”
The Englishman replies, “It’s really easy. As soon as I walk into the pub, I casually toss my Rolls Royce keys onto the bar, and the gals practically throw themselves at me.”
The Dutchman says “Wow, you’ve got a Rolls Royce?”
The Englishman replies, “No, I’m just as poor as you. I bought this Rolls Royce key fob on Amazon for £10, and the ladies are none the wiser.”
So the Dutchman goes on Amazon and buys the exact same key fob. He then goes to various pubs across London, with no luck whatsoever. A few weeks later, he runs into the Englishman again. He tells the Englishman “Your key fob trick is bogus, I went to at least 20 pubs, no lady looked at me twice, please take this bad luck charm off my hands.”
The Englishman tells him, “Maybe it would work better if you took off your bicycle helmet first.”
https://redd.it/1gavh67
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What do you call a pimp who is also a social activist?
A community whoreganizer.
https://redd.it/1gairyy
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A boyfriend goes to visit his girlfriend's dad
and he says:
-Sir, I'm here today to ask for your daughter's pussy.
-Pussy? You mean hand, right?
-No, no hand, I'm already sick of handjobs!
https://redd.it/1ga833u
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I had an ex that always needed a pillow underneath her when she did cocaine.
It was her way of softening the blow.
https://redd.it/1ga7er8
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A farmer heard a knock on the door, so he goes to answer it. There stands a young man nicely dressed. “May I help you?" asks the farmer. “I’m Tobias, and I’m here to fuck your daughter” says the young man. “To what?!!” says the farmer.
“Tobias”
https://redd.it/1ga2y0v
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