1990
Hot jokes from /r/Jokes. Discussion: https://telegram.me/r_channels
My wife told me that the sex we had last night was like being on a rollercoaster!
What she actually meant was that she hated every second, couldn't get off when she wanted to, and felt sick afterwards...
https://redd.it/1gfj5qq
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My granny was 80% Irish.
People called her Iris.
https://redd.it/1gfihxc
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She took me upstairs, got me to take all my clothes off and tied me to the bed..
And that’s why we aren’t allowed in IKEA anymore.
https://redd.it/1gf897o
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My wife was mad at me because I only spent half a minute celebrating her birthday
In my defense, she told me it was her 32nd birthday
https://redd.it/1gf5309
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Doctor: The problem is that you sit too much during the day.
Me: I understand.
Doctor: That’s exactly right.
https://redd.it/1gerzu5
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According to a recent survey people with dwarfism have the highest rate of depression.
In fact 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
https://redd.it/1geof4u
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California get all the lawyers?
New Jersey got the first pick.
https://redd.it/1gefzgm
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As I get older and I remember all the people I've lost along the way
I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.
https://redd.it/1ge6lvj
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"The biggest sexual organ is the brain," I told my wife.
"I don't understand why you're always horny then." She snapped.
https://redd.it/1ge2z4q
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What do you call it when Albert Einstein gets a hand job?
A stroke of genius
https://redd.it/1gdy1aq
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There are over 500 professional bouncers in the US with an average annual salary of almost $12 million each!
>!They work for the NBA. !<
https://redd.it/1gdn7e6
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I bought a wig for just one dollar.
It was a small price toupee.
https://redd.it/1gdfblh
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Just now my girlfriend started shouting at me.
"I bet you didn't hear a word i just said to you!"
I replied:
"I don't think that's the way to start a conversation."
https://redd.it/1gd8o0j
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How can you tell if a lawyer is Emo?
They slash their Writs
https://redd.it/1gcwvz7
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The way you create your rapper name is to add the word "Young" plus something you always carry with you.
My rapper name is "Young Student Loan Debt"
I don't like it
https://redd.it/1gd205r
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My therapist just told me: From now on, please make an effort to forget all the people who have hurt you.
I replied: I will.
Then she told me: "Today's appointment is 500 dollars."
I asked her: "Do i know you?"
https://redd.it/1gfkgla
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How can you convert dollars to pounds?
By visiting McDonalds
Credit: my 12 year old came up with this.
https://redd.it/1gfcvs3
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Mr Francis walked into a bookshop and asked the clerk: "Do you have the new book on how to live with a small penis?"
She replied: "I'm sorry, but i don't think it's in yet..."
Mr Francis: "Yes, that's the one."
https://redd.it/1gf98y8
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A family of three was heading to Kansas, and they got to the airport way early. The four-year-old son, super excited, kept wandering off, so his dad had to chase him down over and over.
Finally, the dad got tired and said, “If you wander off again, I’ll check you in with the luggage!”
Of course, the kid wanders off again. So the dad picks him up and takes him to the gate agent. The agent says, “Uh, sir, you can’t check in your own child.”
The dad sighs and says, “So… you’re saying I’ll have to carry on my wayward son?”
https://redd.it/1gexdti
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Why do men say "ladies first?"
Just to get it over with.
https://redd.it/1geqnyd
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Woman found dead in a bathtub filled with milk.
>!The police suspect it is the work of a cereal killer.!<
https://redd.it/1gefbmx
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My best friend admitted to using an escort service.
He's buy sexual.
No, they don't do discounts for new customers. I asked for another friend.
https://redd.it/1gehbrh
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My wife said, “Pencils can be as sharp as a knife. Why are they allowed on planes?”
Me: I guess…..they had to draw the line somewhere.
https://redd.it/1ge5yaz
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Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened. "First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the Coroner.
"Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
"Thought he was having his picture taken.
https://redd.it/1ge05te
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How delusional are people? Today my Uber driver told me he had a fool proof system to win in Vegas.
Unrelated note, the backseats of Maseratis are tiny.
https://redd.it/1gdpjik
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What disease would you get having sex with a bird?
Cherpies!
https://redd.it/1gdkt2x
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A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop and asks the clerk to show him a scope.
The clerk takes out a scope and says to the man, “This scope is so good, you can see my house up on that hill.”
The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing.
“What’s so funny?” asks the clerk.
“I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house,” the man replies.
The clerk grabs the scope from the man, and looks at his house. Then he hands two bullets to the man and says, “Here are two bullets. I’ll give you this scope for nothing if you take these two bullets, shoot my wife’s head off and shoot the guy’s dick off.”
The man takes another look through the scope and says, “You know what? I think I can do that with one shot!”
https://redd.it/1gdboco
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What disease do you get from having sex in the ocean?
>!Mermaids!<
https://redd.it/1gda71b
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Has anybody ever tried blindfolded archery?
Give it a go; you don't know what you're missing.
https://redd.it/1gd0n2o
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I just learned about something called recency bias...
I think it may be my favorite thing ever.
https://redd.it/1gcnf03
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