1990
Hot jokes from /r/Jokes. Discussion: https://telegram.me/r_channels
Why are Reddit Mods like Condoms?
Because they only work if they’re extra thick
https://redd.it/1i02bfj
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What’s the difference between marijuana and pussy?
If you can smell marijuana across the room it’s good
https://redd.it/1hzz671
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My wife is already thinking ahead and asked me where I was taking her for Valentine’s Day.
Apparently “from behind” was not the correct answer.
https://redd.it/1hzyxby
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I was a very angry child from the day I was born.
My mom had to give me a seething ring.
https://redd.it/1hzq5ap
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My wife told me she wanted to play a game of strip poker...
Turns out she just wanted to do the laundry.
I ended up folding.
https://redd.it/1hzhsnp
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I’m going to start a DNA service so Alabama and West Virginia families can identify close relatives with accuracy.
I’m calling it Incestry
https://redd.it/1hzhafr
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The female janitor at my work asked me if I wanted to chill and smoke a joint with her.
I was tempted, but ultimately declined. I just can't tolerate high maintenance women.
https://redd.it/1hzadax
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When I go to the optometrist and they say "read the last line"...
I answer, " US Patent Number US4257690A"
https://redd.it/1hz2sje
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What's an inbreds favorite fruit?
Pumpkin
https://redd.it/1hyp14g
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The good part about erectile dysfunction is that it can be cured with diet and exercise.
The tricky part is getting your wife to diet and exercise.
https://redd.it/1hyb359
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What do you call a banker's scrotum when it' s all shriveled up in winter?
coldman sachs.
https://redd.it/1hyd8xm
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A drunk, passed out, face down on freshly cut grass, finally comes to. He gets up and staggers across the street and into a bar. The bartender looks up and says...
"Why the lawn face?"
https://redd.it/1hy7pzt
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When Bilbo Baggins finally died, the undertaker had difficulty closing his coffin because....
...old Hobbits die hard.
https://redd.it/1hy3ay9
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What do you call a sex party on welfare?
A Poor-gy
https://redd.it/1hxwwvo
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What do you call a bad orgy?
A cluster fuck
https://redd.it/1hxoq3v
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Last night my girl asked me to make love to her like in the movies...
...So I fucked her in the ass and came on her face
Apparently we don't watch the same movies
https://redd.it/1i06ihv
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I just got word I got hired as an actor in a porn video, and I met the chick who will play my wife, and she's hot as hell!
Unfortunately, I'm the husband who leaves for work just before the plumber arrives.
https://redd.it/1i02fjv
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The Bible says being gay is fine, as long as you’re high.
“A man who lays with another man should be stoned”
- Leviticus 20:13 ESV
https://redd.it/1hzxyzz
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Kid: dad, are we pyromaniacs?
Dad: we arson.
https://redd.it/1hzotax
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What did Texans use for heat before the advent of firewood?
Electricity
https://redd.it/1hzd7fz
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A deaf man and woman married.
**PS this is NSFW but I forgot to add that, and now I can't find it!**
One morning on their honeymoon they were having a lip-reading discussion about sex. Specifically, how to make their wishes known with the lights out.
The wife began: "When you want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my breast once. If you don't, squeeze it twice."
The husband replied: "Great. So when you want to have sex, reach over and pull my penis once. When you don't, pull it a hundred times."
https://redd.it/1hz83e7
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A woman woke up after a vaginal tuck. On the windowsill of her hospital room were three bunches of flowers.
A woman woke up after a vaginal tuck.
On the windowsill of her hospital room were three bunches of flowers.
One from her surgeon to say all went well.
One from her husband, "Get well soon and I love you."
And one from Tommy in the Burn Unit: “Thank you for the new ears."
https://redd.it/1hz14ol
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What do you call a guy with erectile disfunction?
A tryhard
https://redd.it/1hywxvq
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When I was 17 my conservative Christian parents sent me to one of those massive youth group events that celebrates how cool it is to be a virgin.
Joke's on them, I went to the Star Trek convention next door instead.
https://redd.it/1hys195
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Did you know that chickens die after sex?
The one *I* fucked did.
https://redd.it/1hygtqz
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Amazon has started a new dating service, based on meeting people who buy the same things you do on Prime.
It’s called PrimeMates.
https://redd.it/1hyb4ch
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First American to grasp the concept of irony.
Jay Fullmer, 38, yesterday became the first American to get to grips with the concept of irony.
"It was weird" Fullmer said. "I was in London and like, talking to this guy and it was raining and he pulled a face and said, "Great weather eh?" and I thought - "Wait a minute, no way is it great weather".
Fullmer then realised that the other man's 'mistake' was in fact deliberate.
Fullmer, who is 39 next month and married with two children, aged 8 and 3, plans to use irony himself in future.
"I'm, like, using it all the time" he said. "Last weekend I was grilling steaks, and I burned them, and I said "Hey, great weather."
https://redd.it/1hy0vy8
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How do you piss off an archaeologist?
Give him a tampon and ask him what period it's from.
https://redd.it/1hxuz58
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My friend couldn't afford his water bill
So I got him a get well soon card!
https://redd.it/1hxsv8t
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As a light skinned Latino, I still experience racism. It just takes longer.
The cop needs to see my ID first.
https://redd.it/1hxnku9
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