I’ve never had a non-family friend in my life
I (21F) know people throw around “oh I have no friends” so many times but I genuinely have never had a friend outside of my family, I have no idea what’s wrong with me as I’m completely normal around my family and normal looking too I never had the experience of being a teenager because I spent all those years locked away in my bedroom depressed, I would say my mental health probably plays a massive part in it even texting people unless I’m drunk is extremely difficult for me, the loneliness is unbearable and makes me want to die a lot of the time especially when people I know are out having fun and experiencing life I will never have the experience of hanging out with friends and it depresses me so much I don’t know anyone in my life who relates so I feel like an absolute loser, I usually just delude myself into not thinking about my life by drinking copious amounts of alcohol (already got liver damage) or finding solace in my eating disorder but when I inevitably see things that remind me that I’m me and I exist it all comes back, I was holding out hope when I was in my teens but now as I’m getting older I’m starting to think I’ll never make those memories or have that fun I so desperately want. I would say I’m passively suicidal as I’ve only actually attempted once and ended up in hospital but I don’t care about my life very much, I used to take my benzos (prescribed) and then get blackout drunk and somewhere in my mind I’d be hoping the combination would just make me fall asleep and never wake up.
https://redd.it/1bsvb5c
@r_suicidewatch
suicide is a burden
hi. 19F living in a sorority house. some of the sorority sisters have asked me about my self harm cuts and i just say its from my cat but i pray that they will question it & they never do. recently i sent an anonymous email about doing a wellness check on me acting like i was someone else but they never did. a couple days later i told one of them that i feel suicidal and nothing happened. it just sucks because i want help so bad but it feels like no one cares or wants to hear it.
and they frequently notice that i’ll be down with low energy and say nothing.
i know i really haven’t explicitly said that im going to kll myself but. im sad that no one reaches out.
https://redd.it/1bssham
@r_suicidewatch
He killed himself
I've been talking to a boy that I met on this sub for 5 months. He told me two days ago that he would kill himself and have not responded ever since.
I feel completely destroyed, I had feelings for him, it is the worst feeling ever and now I want to end my life too so bad. I'm so low I don't think I can get better.
https://redd.it/1bsq8fj
@r_suicidewatch
I think I’m going to end my life on April 4th.
I’m 18, senior in hs and completely fucking done. I was sexually assaulted when I was 12, and I didn’t tell anyone until years later. That event, and the verbal abuse I constantly received from my parents has left me completely hopeless. It doesn’t help that I’ve inhérentes all of my parent’s bad physical traits. If you look at my siblings and then me, you’ll see I pulled the short straw generically. They won the genetic lottery, while I literally got all the worst genes. My mom has a skin condition that she had a 50% chance of passing down to each of her kids. She had 4 kids, and I’m the only one who got it. And to make it worse, it’s very visible, causes me to have horribly dry skin that peels. And it is a hundred times worse than my mom’s condition because I got it on my arms and feet, while she only has it on her arms and barely noticeable. I use to get bullied in middle school for my skin condition. Now I refuse to wear short sleeve shirts and shorts so I can hide my skin. I’ve struggled with depression since I was twelve, and I’ve had suicidal ideologies since then. I can’t do it anymore. I have a deep hatred for myself, and everyone would be better off if I didn’t exist anymore. The only reason I’m waiting until April 4th is because that’s when I get back in town and I’ll have the privacy to kill myself. I just needed to get that off my chest.
https://redd.it/1bsfsee
@r_suicidewatch
I feel like I can't tell anyone how I feel
I'm male, almost 32, perpetually single, in debt, from New England. Since...a week ago, I've been "really going through it", as the kids say. Full-depressive spiral, feeling sadness every day, in every emotion I have is sadness. I'm not going to kill myself, much though I wish I could in much of my waking moments; I've found a couple good reasons to live. But that doesn't get rid of what I feel. I can only talk to my therapist about it during our sessions, otherwise she "skill coaches" - that doesn't help me. I don't want my parents to worry or be a burden to them (more than I feel that I am now) and they're much of the reason I'm still here. My friends, I don't know, I feel like anyone I tell my feelings too ultimately just can't help. But the kicker is, NOTHING ELSE IS HELPING. So that's where I am, stuck in some perpetual emotional limbo where I am forbidden to die, but genuinely don't want to live anymore.
Thanks for the vent, y'all.
https://redd.it/1bsgvtm
@r_suicidewatch
I'm quadriplegic, my girlfriend left me and I hate my life
I'm 19, I'm paralyzed from the neck down due to an accident that happened in November, I can't do anything by myself, my girlfriend left me and I can't even kill myself. I had to move back in with my parents so they could care for me, my friends don't talk to me anymore and I'm just so done with everything. My life is pointless and I can't do anything about it.
https://redd.it/1bscopr
@r_suicidewatch
Time to go
I’m done putting this off. I’m alone and miserable. My life is a nightmare and it’s going to end now. Nobody will miss me. Nobody will care. And nobody will ever find my body even if anyone tried. The one person who could find me is my ex. And he won’t bother to look. This is his fault and I’ll make sure everyone knows it. GOODBYE! I LOVE YOU DJHJ
https://redd.it/1bs8zo7
@r_suicidewatch
I'm only alive because I have a child
Sometimes I wish I had never had my child because at least then if I died from suicide I wouldn't feel so guilty
https://redd.it/1bs7txl
@r_suicidewatch
to the guy who stalked and recorded me at 19
you fucking win, big whoop, I hope you're happy jacking off to me and my friends, I hope you're fucking happy, you piece of shit. You get to waste away in some hole not knowing your fucking fap material has their own issues, maybe that picture of me you have gets to live on or whatever, I hate you, I hate you, why do you get to do whatever you want to random girls in bookstores while I'm suicidal every other month
https://redd.it/1bs3p24
@r_suicidewatch
I never hear about suicidal 30-something women… anyone out there like me?
I am 30, female. I feel so childish for wanting to die. How silly is that? And like, knowing that other 30-something women are not typically as sad and lonely as I am just makes this even worse.
I don’t have a spouse or kids. I have struggled for over a decade to keep friends even though I desperately want them. I’ve had mostly sad, bad days since I was 18. My partner is long-distance. I really truly believe that the only people who would be affected by my death are my parents and my sister. For that reason, I can’t do it. And must live as an empty shell for the rest of my days.
It’s hard to put into words what this is. I’m not not suicidal, but I also know it’s a boundary I am incapable of crossing, because of my immediate family. It’s strange.
Just rambling…
Anyone like me?
https://redd.it/1brx0ng
@r_suicidewatch
Million dollar question: why wasn’t I aborted?
32 f. Haven’t had a relationship for several years despite being socially active, kind, and with a decent job. Men either ignore me, or they lead me on and then drop me. Tried dating locally. Tried long distance. Nothing. I even went for someone not normallly my type and things were going excellent one week and fizzled out the next.
My mom is sick and the reality likely is she’ll die before I get married to my soulmate…if I were to even have one.
I can’t get a better job. I’m not wanted anywhere.
My best friend of almost eleven years ghosted me last summer for no reason.
I really wish I could just get gunned down. I already live in a dangerous big city.
My mother should have aborted me when my father questioned paternity upon her pregnancy announcement.
I used to say if I didn’t have my dream by the age of 35 I would off myself. Maybe I shouldn’t wait.
https://redd.it/1bru1xp
@r_suicidewatch
Suicide is officially the only solution to my problem
28m gay man from croatia here. I have been reported to the police last summer by my family after I sent a threatening text message to my mothers phone. My mother is a victim of domestic abuse but was also an enabler of the abuse the father inflicted upon me.
My father turned my mother into an alcoholic after they opened a huge business that the millionaire husband of my sister used them for. Both my father and that man used my mother overworked my mother and drove her to alcoholism and she is soon about to die. I have also worked with them for a couple of years, because the fear the father ingrained into us was I would describe as demonic.
I watched my mother come home every morning around 2 am, crying in pain and tgen going into full insane manic episode where she would lash out at me in the house, while the father was out with prostitutes.
Here is why I have no choice but to commit suicide: I was reported to the police because of the text message. I threatened them I will burn all their houses. Now they are inviting me to court. I have a history of psych ward stays where psychiatrists misdiagnosed me with schizophrenia and then put me on high potent antipsychotics that lobotomize people. I was also physically attacked and almost killed in the hospital and staff didn't care, which gave me deadly trauma. I am a visible, feminine gay man.
I am rather going to kill myself than let them lobotomize me, and possibly torture to death.
I reached out for help to so many queer people but no one wanted to help. I even took a bus to Berlin to go to official queer help institutions and they called an ambulance on me, they picked me up, and the doctor in the hospital told me he will put me on same antipsychotics. Luckly, the back door was open and I escaped the hospital.
Now I am living in a tent in the woods, dependent on benzos and sleeping pills, living with severe trauma from family, school bullying and the weight of the whole world on my shoulders. This is it. The rope is ready and I am welcoming death with open heart.
Goodbye
https://redd.it/1brshnh
@r_suicidewatch
What is the point to live if you are unattractive and unlovable?
I have a good family, a good career, financial independence, genuine friends. But being unattractive has ruined me as a woman because i feel like it’s all that matters. I haven’t found anyone to love me or even go on a date with in 26 years of my life. And yeah that’s all i think about and other areas of my life are unfulfilling me and do not make me happy which also makes me feel like a horrible ungrateful asshole. All i wanted was to be loved :-) that’s it
https://redd.it/1brq6t4
@r_suicidewatch
I hate it here
what’s even the point? i don’t enjoy anything anymore, I hate the people around me (they feel the exact same way about me) and I live in a shithole.
every day is the same tired rendition of what came before. it is the same shit, over and over and over again.
I am always supposed to be reaching for some vague notion of a “better” future. a change from my current daily monotony. im supposed to go to college, get a job, and make other people rich for the rest of my life, and if I don’t do that, I’ll just be tossed aside like garbage by the people who “care” about me.
i am so fucking emaciated, both physically and mentally, that I cannot even be bothered to just man up and die already. im stuck in this strange limbo where occasionally someone will kneecap me just to watch me writhe in pain for a little longer. I’m fucking amazed that this dogshit website is where I’ve decided to talk about any of this. every day i somehow manage to become even more pathetic
and I still make this post, knowing full well all I will get are false platitudes, people wanting to “help”, or people trying to lecture me despite knowing jack shit about me. I’m feeling great
https://redd.it/1brm110
@r_suicidewatch
Why do bad people never get what they deserve?
I’m tired of seeing how the most god awful people can hurt or ruin someone’s life and just love their life, i see them happy and i hate every fiber of this fucking world.
I wish everyday to be as selfish and have zero conscious and empathy like them and then i hate myself for wanting that.
It feels like i’m choking and finding it hard to breath, finding it hard to just exist anymore, this last time, was too much.
https://redd.it/1bri0sx
@r_suicidewatch
Suicidality can be a form of having control
I don't have control over most aspects of my life, but if there's one thing I always have control over, it's whether I live or not.
Suicidality is gaining control.
https://redd.it/1bsp7rr
@r_suicidewatch
It really fucks with me how I can be at peace one day and the next day my brain is screaming at me to kill myself. I go through this cycle so often
I've been doing really well for a while. Mostly happy with some bad days here and there. Then one emotional thing will happen and my brain tells me ending it would end all this pain. would end this cycle. And then I have to ride it out and eventually I come out the other side and I don't feel that way anymore. It does scare me that someday I could listen to that screaming and give in.
I truly understand when people give in and I wish I didn't but at least from that I can find compassion for those who are suffering instead of judging them.
https://redd.it/1bsr55m
@r_suicidewatch
I hate that my memory will be suicide
I don't see a future. I live on auto pilot and stopped living for myself a long time ago.
There is no joy in life anymore and i just know that when people will think about me in the future, my memory will be my suicide.
The idea of being too much, a burden for everyone around me, is just constantly being told to me. To the point people just don't seem safe, I isolate myself and it makes it worse.
It seems to be a waiting game these day, when will I do it. And what does anything else I do matter when thats the memory I will leave
https://redd.it/1bsmoyl
@r_suicidewatch
Dying feels mathematically correct
I’m 23, unemployed, broke, have no friends, or partner, live with my parents, and barely ever leave my pigsty of a room I’m too lazy to clean. I’m contributing nothing to anyone’s lives and just draining resources. Last time I had a real friend I hurt him bad enough he probably never wants to see me again. The only reason my parents give even the slightest shit about the fact that I’m still alive is because they know they’re bad people if they just let me go through with it. I know in my heart of hearts though if I just dropped off the face of the earth today anyone who’s sad would only be sad as long as they’re socially obligated to be, a couple people might even secretly be happy about it. After that they’d just forget about me, and be better off for it at the end of the day. All I do now as it stands is waste space food air and electricity while making messes. I’ve got no higher education, nothing good on my resume, I’ve got zero chance of ever landing a job that provides anything more than a bit of weed money. I’ll never be able to rise up, move out, make it on my own, nothing. On top of that I’m basically an emotionally stunted 14 year old with no life skills who can barely drive. Hell even trying to find a girlfriend would just be selfish, they’d have to try and fix me while I contribute nothing of value to the relationship.
What the hell do I do? I’m already at a dead end and dying feels like doing my parents a courtesy.
https://redd.it/1bsjcy6
@r_suicidewatch
I’m tired and ready to go home.
The pain and agony feel like it’s literal hell. Like when you die and go to hell, that’s what it feels like.
I feel like I’m suffocating. Drowning.
The pain doesn’t stop. I’ve tried everything. I tried inpatient, outpatient, meds, therapy, etc.
I’m tired.
I’m ready to leave this shit life and be with my father who passed away a year ago.
Life wasn’t supposed to be like this.
I’m tired guys… real tired. I have a plan. I just haven’t decided when. But I can feel a sense of acceptance and peace. That’s how close I am. Like I know everything will be ok the second I’m gone.
Free from the hands of hell. But I’ll probably go to hell.
I’m so tired.
https://redd.it/1bsddh0
@r_suicidewatch
Being short at 16 is hopeless.
Being a short guy is hopeless.
I am significantly disadvantaged across all fields because of a built in trait I cannot control. I love having my hands tied while being forced to watch myself get cucked every day by my height, while others are taken more seriously and treated better by everyone, are more likely to get women and are higher in social status.
I’m 5’6-5’5 and I haven’t grown in 8 months. My half brother is 26 and is my height but is blessed with an 8+ face which allows him to sleep around with a shit ton of women solely because he is attractive - something that I don’t have. In fact I very likely suffer from low testosterone which has affected my physical development.
Really, why do I have to watch other people be given a free upper hand for doing absolutely nothing? I want to ask - what did these people do to deserve being advantaged more than I do? Teenage boys are getting all the game, are able to play all different types of sports that I’m denied access to, are socially advantaged and are treated better and like adults because why? Because my genetics decided to make me grow to a short height?
And no, I don’t care if there are a few women out there who don’t care about height. Many people forget that the only thing that matters isn’t just dating. Firstly, I don’t want to settle down with a single person. Second, I, as a person am disadvantage in everything.
Even if I gain respect and am of high status, I will never be respected and viewed in the same light as a 6’4 guy who is average. When people see me, their first thought will always be that I’m short. I will always be cucked and infantilised in front of everyone.
You have no idea how much resentment has built up inside of me. Thank you god for this lovely gift you have given to me. Thank you for emasculating me, making me feel like a loser and making my life 40% less enjoyable for no apparent reason. Really, you are the best. Thank you for giving what I don’t have to others who did nothing to deserve it more than I did. And the best part is how you did it for absolutely no reason. None.
And in case you don’t exist, thank you to my useless ancestors for reproducing with those POS genes and passing them down to me.
https://redd.it/1bsaf7j
@r_suicidewatch
18f im sad and not feeling well anyone wanna be friends?
https://redd.it/1bs83w1
@r_suicidewatch
I do truly believe I was destined to be something greater. But I failed. Now I need to kill myself.
If I just got my shit together all those years ago I’d be so much better. I had the potential. But instead I became this shell of a person who wasted it all. And it hurts going to school everyday and constantly seeing people who are living much better lives than me. It hurts even more because I know I could’ve been one of them. But I’m not.
https://redd.it/1bs73el
@r_suicidewatch
people dont gaf about your mental health until its too late
people will reach out for help and try to talk to people around them to somehow find help or even just explain how theyre feeling, and others don’t even have the patience to understand or try to understand until its too late n they fucking kill themselves.
im tired of trying to get help somehow but no one ever takes me seriously or cares to help its just getting worse the thoughts are getting worse i just keep thinking about how im going to do it at some point and then cry from how much it hurts because im afraid of failing and still being alive
i just want to be gone so fucking bad and i just wish that my partner gave a fucking shit about how i feel i just dont think that i am ever being heard so im just having no motivation to keep going it just gets worse
https://redd.it/1bs09v9
@r_suicidewatch
22 F - knowing my body only exists to be used and abused by men makes me want to kill myself
I was raped when I was 17. I've never had a boyfriend or a girlfriend. No one will love used goods. I've been cutting myself since I was 13. I have horrible scars on my body. I just want the pain to end. I wish I was never born a woman.
https://redd.it/1brx7ef
@r_suicidewatch
I’m killing myself tomorrow.
That’s it. I’m done. Life isn’t worth living at all. There’s no hope for me and nobody cares about me. I’m done. Nobody needs me here.
https://redd.it/1brtc3b
@r_suicidewatch
i hate that’s there no real help for suicidality.
u can’t talk to ur friends and family bc it upsets them and it’s also depressing. u can’t tell ur therapist or ur locked up. and then ppl wonder why suicide rates are up. ive struggled with suicidal ideation my entire life and it is so frustrating sometimes bc ur only option is to rlly just ride it out.
https://redd.it/1brrxsi
@r_suicidewatch
I actually think suicide is healthy
It's unnatural for some people to go on living.
https://redd.it/1brp1xz
@r_suicidewatch
Friend attempted suicide by drinking household bleach (what can we expect?)
Sadly, I am outside of the country and I am only getting updates here and there, but this is the situation:
\-Someone found her in the bathroom, finding out she drunk bleach/toilet cleaner, and she was unconscious at that time, but she regained consciousness on the way to the hospital.
\-I don't have an idea how much she drunk, or how strong the solution was- but it is household cleaner, so i hope it isn't too bad?
\-She got admitted to ICU, and i think (but I am not sure) that less than 2h passed since she did it, but I am hopefully that it is even less.
\-After spending a day in ICU, doctors tomorrow/second day (that was yesterday) said that she will be moved out of ICU on the evening of that day (second day), or day after that (meaning today afternoon/third day). And that she is okay/fine (i think in context of life not being in danger).
\-Today, instead of moving her to the general ward, they decided to keep her one more night in ICU, and from what I understand, it is because of throat being burnt, which is very painful, so this is to administer painkillers more easily? (just making guesses)
Background: She was very depressed recently, and wasn;'t eating, so she actually ended passing out and being taken to hospital because of it... and then few days later she attempted this. Otherwise, this is a young healthy individual (which I hope make the recovery more optimistic)
​
Anyways, I don't even know what to say. I guess I am asking, how worried should I be? With what I said above, is a full recovery realistic? What should I expect?
​
​
https://redd.it/1britne
@r_suicidewatch
I've given up but I'm scared of dying
I don't want to get better because I don't see a future for myself without suffering. I'm willing myself to die but knowing the longer I put it off is only making my life and surroundings worse scares me
https://redd.it/1brhw2s
@r_suicidewatch
