If only suicide was easy
Id be long gone by now.
Still waiting for the end.
There's gotta be a way out of this mess that people call life.....
https://redd.it/1bzda27
@r_suicidewatch
Every up in my mental health is followed by much lower low and I can't take it anymore
I'm 15f and I'm well aware that I'm probably just dramatic or something but to me this is very real. I have struggled with my mental health for about 3 years now (since the mid of covid). My mental health is always kinda bad but that I get happy for a moment and than get suicidal right after. It has gotten to a point where whenever I get happy I realize that I'll get worse soon and I just ruin my happiness (idk how to explain it). I just feel like me and life aren't ment for each other. Like I'm so insecure about my looks, before I had school going for me but now I can't get myself to study (honestly idk how I still have As), I don't do any sports anymore. Life has really gone to shit. And the problem is that I don't want to feel happy, I don't have the need to be active, socialize, do anything that is supposed to help me. I feel like people are always like "oh I feel sad about my life but I want to be happy so I started waking up early and working out and now I'm so happy" but I don't want to feel happy. It all seems the same for me. I just want to kinda exist, like rich people. I wouldn't work, I could eat whatever I want and play videogames whenever I want, I would sleep as long as I want. People also say that everybody goes through this stage and that it would pass, but later they say oh how they wish they were 15 again they were so happy than. Bitch, if this is the happiest I'll get I'd rather not be alive.
Now there are a lot a lot of issues I have in my life and maybe that's the reason that I feel this way but I won't bother you with that
Anyway I hope you have a lovely day and thanks for reading this!
https://redd.it/1bz99o7
@r_suicidewatch
I just took 200mg of prozac
I did take it all in one gulp, my brain is kinda foggy and my heart is kinda racing, idk, im prescribed 20 mg daily but these last few days i havent been taking my medication regularly, i feel like i want to die, im surrounded by traitors, i feel better and my head feels light in an odd way, i know i probably wont die and i didnt think this through that much tbh, but idk what will happen really
https://redd.it/1bz2ao3
@r_suicidewatch
Im starting to realize that suicide is my only option left
Ive reached the end of my rope. I made all the wrong choices. I ruined my life. Im facing eviction. Im poor and unemployed. I have no friends and Im lonely. I have no purpose. Im ready to just die at this point I just need a quick and painless method. Im so done with this world it just gets worse and worse.
https://redd.it/1bz1nq8
@r_suicidewatch
I want to die because im a woman
I hate being born as a woman. I never would have chosen this. Any man can break my skull and kill me with his bare hands if he wants. Im scared to even disagree with them because what if they kill me?
People talk about women being valuable because they can give birth, but what they mean is men are valuable because they are men and women are valuable because they can create men. No one talks about how great it is that women can have daughters, no, theyre good because they are where men come from.
Theres no advantage to being a woman. I dont want kids so my body is a lumpy weak waste. Like a fat droopy cow. I hate being curvy its gross and makes me embarassed. I can never truly admire my reflection because i will never be as strong as them. And im dumber.
I tried to like feminine stuff i really tried but I just can't. Im scared to try a masculine style because whats the point theyll always be stronger. I'll always be playing catch up to someone more smart and dangerous.
I once had dreams of taking a solo road trip across the US, and solo traveling, but I know that I can't do that because im so weak, I don't even want to leave my house now because any man I happen to see can kill me with his bare hands.
Men reading this, know that we didn't choose to be like this. I want out of this body right now.
For those that believe in reincarnation, can you come back as a different gender in your next life? Does unaliving yourself effect this?
https://redd.it/1byz30e
@r_suicidewatch
Can't handle being trans so i'll just kill myself
Disappointed my parents, i do not know anyone supportive, can't access gender affirming care, there is no point. Only reason i got up today is to go to the place where i will finally kill myself.
https://redd.it/1byutb0
@r_suicidewatch
My ex told me he’s surprised I haven’t killed myself
I’m surprised too.
3 years of no contact and he hit me up to hookup which was fine, it became an emotional mess for both of us after but we got closure and ended on a good note.
I can’t stop thinking about what he said though. I can’t think of any reason why I’ve been holding on so long. I’m turning 25 this year, meaning I’ve spent almost half of my life being depressed 24/7 and traumatized, and a quarter of my life grieving.
Part of me does hope it’ll get better, but life seems to prove me wrong each time. I don’t know why I’m still going. He said I’m resilient, especially because I went through the hardest parts of my life alone. I’m not resilient at all, I’ve just been broken for a long time but I’m functional.
I can’t tell if the fear of killing myself is still stronger than my despair. But if I’m giving up it might as well be sooner rather than later.
https://redd.it/1bys0lm
@r_suicidewatch
this is gonna sound dumb
basically i’ve failed PrepL twice now, it’s a online program to get your drivers license in australia. first time i got 24/30, today i got 23/30… and thing is i could’ve gotten it.. but i changed my answers from the first time because i keep second guessing myself.. and now i feel like dying because im such a fucking failure. i’m meant to get my license so i can get certain things to get a job at my moms work.. i just want to die.. i have no one to help me. my mom has just been ignoring me now for more than two weeks and my dad knows nothing about driving because he never got his license.. i don’t have any positive adult figures in my life.
https://redd.it/1bys8ed
@r_suicidewatch
Why people act like it's better for me to live in psychological pain than to die and rest?
What's the point in being alive if it is full of suffering?
I've been living like that for so long. And there's no sign that anything will change. Specially because I'm not strong enough to change my life.
I just want to rest. What is wrong with that?
I feel like people only care if you stay alive, but not enough to really help you.
https://redd.it/1bynvu6
@r_suicidewatch
At least I won't have to re-pay student loans if I end it...
I'm 25 and can't even finish my bachelor's degree without my mental health getting in the way. I'm at risk of losing financial aid eligibility if my performance is unsatisfactory this term. I've already been on academic probation twice prior and currently have a shit GPA. I feel bad compared to my peers because they're ahead of me. I feel bad because I have the financial support from my family to get through it all and yet I struggle so much. I can't focus anymore and I'm starting to care less and less.
Life has no value to me. I'm fat, ugly and have health problems. Never liked myself in the first place anyway so it's better to not wake up and deal with this awful life.
https://redd.it/1bymjov
@r_suicidewatch
“Think about how other people will feel”
Even when you’re in so much pain you feel like death is the only answer, other people will still make it all about themselves.
Why does no one seem to care about how I feel everyday? Why are my feelings always pushed aside to save other people from being hurt? Why am I encouraged to suffer alone, but the second I say I’d be happier if I could just opt out now, I’m not enjoying life, those around me can never feel the same way I do? I have a lot of mental and physical health problems, as well as disabilities, I’m in pain every day. I get minimal joy out of life, if I do at all. I don’t want to sit around waiting to die, watching everyone live better lives than me, I’d rather just get it over with.
Why is my pain always put on hold? Why is my pain less important than the ones I will leave behind? And I get it, losing a loved one is beyond terrible. But to force someone who is suffering to stay alive and endure that pain just so you can feel better, is incredibly selfish and cruel in my opinion. We’ll euthanize a pet hamster before we say “you know what, if you’re done with this life, it’s okay to go. I’ll be sad, but I’m more sad watching you live in pain.” That would require rational thoughts though.
It’s such a selfish mindset to be in. I understand it, but as someone who had dealt with severe suicidal thoughts who has almost committed more times than I can think of, it kills me knowing people still think this way. It’s inhumane to let anything suffer for our own pleasure, but we somehow forget about human beings in those circumstances. I guess my human life and suffering is less important than a fucking dying plant being torn out of the ground. Just suffer until I die of a heart attack, I guess. Sounds like a great life.
https://redd.it/1byfg1c
@r_suicidewatch
20F, death is the kindest option
There is no point to my life. I have nothing to live for, I can’t see how it could ever get better.
I’ll never be able to have the life I so desperately want because every fibre of my being is repulsive. I’m so facially ugly all I do is isolate myself.
I find it so devastating that no one will ever really love or want me. I won’t even be an option for anyone. I’ll never be able to marry or have kids. I am completely alone and I can’t ever see that changing. I’m 20 and my life is already over. I feel like death is the kindest solution.
https://redd.it/1byb9sy
@r_suicidewatch
i feel like i don’t have any other option
i have nobody around me. everyone in my family has neglected me since i was born. i’m in a relationship with a guy who i’ve begged for 5 years to treat me with some decency. he has no respect for me, or care. i’m not just looking through red colored glasses at him and my family- i promise. my therapist tells me all the time they do not meet any of my needs and it’s destroying my mental health. but if i leave my bf then im just stuck with neglectful parents who i hate. i’d rather be trapped in a shitty relationship than be with my parents again. but i feel like the only way to feel loved and cared about is to see god. i can’t take this anymore. i have no other options. i’m stuck financially and mentally.
my dream is to be cared about. i’ve constantly had the “i want my mom” feeling and never got anything. to be held would be a blessing. i can’t do this. idk what the fuck i’m saying. i honestly give up. sorry if you read this ik it doesn’t make sense
https://redd.it/1by6ur7
@r_suicidewatch
“There is help available” no there’s fucking not
The truth is no one fucking cares whether I live or die so shut the fuck up
If I died today no one would even remember me a week from now
https://redd.it/1by0xqf
@r_suicidewatch
I want to die but I don’t want to kill myself…
I think I’m just a deeply unhappy person, I’ve always struggled with depression, I can’t even work right now because of it. I’m just so sick and tired of feeling this way, it’s like a never ending cycle of doom with no escape. I keep having super dark and suicidal thoughts, even researching online methods to off myself in the least painful way but it scares the living crap out of me to actually do it… I wish I could just be in a random car accident or have something happen to me that results in my death that way I get to die but not by my own hands…. I don’t know what to do I can’t keep going like this…
https://redd.it/1bxwu31
@r_suicidewatch
I'm going to kill myself in 20 minutes
I've had suicidal thoughts for over a year now, I've already attempted once by hanging and it only became worse. I'm going to end it once and for all by cutting my wrists in 25 minutes now
https://redd.it/1bza2fu
@r_suicidewatch
this world is so superficial
I feel so awful I’ll never be respected or treated as nicely as pretty and gorgeous girls I’ll only be settled for and used as emotional support. I can’t find a boyfriend who thinks I am pretty and that’s pretty much my only standard. I’m so sad I feel so guilty and awful and angry and sad. I want to tear down pretty girls but I also admire them and want to be them. They have life sooo easy it’s so unfair.
https://redd.it/1bz5j9q
@r_suicidewatch
i don’t want to be strong
i’m autistic, i have severe social anxiety, ocd, and suspected bpd. i am chronically ill. i’m non binary, lesbian, unemployed, unattractive, and just an overall disappointment. i’m not “normal”. i have no hobbies, no talents, no friends to hang out with. nothing i try ever sticks
i can’t make friends or get a job because my autism makes me awkward and unlikeable. i try so hard. i constantly try to push myself to be positive and happy and face my fears but it’s gotten me nowhere.
i used to be ok with it, i told myself when i got older i’d grow out of this and i’d get a cool job and fall in love and move out. but i’m 21 now and i can’t even do the bare minimum. i can’t even communicate with my own family members. i can’t do anything for myself. i’m like a child. no matter how hard i try nothing changes and i’m so tired of forcing myself to keep going and be strong because it /might/ get better one day. i am tired of it
https://redd.it/1bz1yk1
@r_suicidewatch
My suicide letter
20yo right now feeling some noise in my head
feeling so confused and regretful of all things i did in my life.
Wasnt meant to being a lazy girl that spend all day in videogames trying to escape of my thoughts
Wasnt meant to be friendless, shy and insecure person
Wasnt meant to connect with people (i tried so fucking hard, It hurt when i felt anxiety and i still was having a smile and a friendly attitude to people, damn, it wasnt enough for making friends, seems like everyone knows when someone is lonely so they avoid you.)
I can barely sleep during the night lately, thoughts invaded me, i think about school, i fucking left cause the lack of sleep and my marks i was shocked by how teachers were demanding and evaluated having preferences for a few mates
I think about my past friendships from high school looked back and see myself as someone with desires to catch attention, fuck attention up,i think i can finally end the mistakes. Feel so bad for not keeping my current friends
I think about all things i could be and due to lack of motivation and attentiveness i quit.
I wanted to be an architect, making peacefully/relaxing spaces, was seriously motivated by the people.
Always been motivated by people, by helping and building a better place to live.
¿But how am i supposed to help when i hurt/dissapoint all the people i care of?
I wanted to write poetry, friends told me i was good writing, didnt believed that, my expectations were writing not only about death but failed, its all i have on my mind.
I wanted to make music but failed
I wanted to paint but failed.
I wanted to be a girl but hrt will change something on me?
To my parents, i wanted to say that i LOVE every part of you, thank you for growing me up, for taking care of me, for making me feel more comfortable for who i am, for protect me from bad people
More than ever i was conscious of your love, of your hugs, of your "wanna go for an ice cream?" and i didnt express my grateful to you, feeling dumb.
Ive been feeling dumb for not following what you are, for not reborn from the ashes.
You passed and have been through horrible things and still giving us love.
It hurts me too deeply that im failing you, im making you pain by choosing this
Dont feel guilty for not realising that i was feeling bad, i hid this be cause i thought i was over this, and it couldnt control me.
Please, please, please, i beg you to not fail to me, i couldnt rest if you give up, if you let the pain domain your lives.
As the eclipse goes on im already at home
dont feel bad for me.
Ill take care of you all.
Please, remember me with love.
If something goes wrong please, let me go.
Josie C.
https://redd.it/1byx4kx
@r_suicidewatch
Today is the last day of my hellish life
My life has been nothing but hell. All I want is all of this to get over. I’m not here to crib. I’ve realised that how much ever I try I will never get the love, affection, friendships or anything else that I’ve desired since childhood. This hellish life that I was born to has made me miserable. I didn’t look good, was short for a boy and fat. The super mega 3 reasons for a boy to be bullied to death. People made fun of me and laughed in front of my face to make sure my soul seeps in the fact that I’m born ugly and unworthy of love and attention. My parents would make fun of me in front of others coz well why not? They would blame me for how I looked and how everything was my fault. Today is my birthday and as usual I’m spending it alone. No one in my family even put up a balloon in the house for me. Neither did I get a gift. I’ve lived all alone for the past 20 or so years yearning for and being jealous of what others have. I’ve been nothing but a social outcast. Today is the day I’ve fully accepted that I can’t change anything and my future probably will be the same. The only way of escape for me would be to kill myself and free my soul from this painful torture. I would like to thank all of those who spent their precious time to read till here. Thank you. Good bye 👋🏻
https://redd.it/1byxmyh
@r_suicidewatch
I’m planning to go out by knife today. Q
I’m planning to go out by knife. Already purchased the knife, and planning on slicing both carotid arteries on my neck. Any tips or need to knows?
I’m not depressed. Just I remember a better cosmic life beyond this world that I would rather be enjoying.
https://redd.it/1byui0h
@r_suicidewatch
Legitimately hate working so much life isnt worth living.
I feel so trapped im 24m and just quit my most recent job without notice. I legitately cant stand working it makes the rest of life just not worth living at all. I have a wonderful bf and 2 lovely cats but when I work full time i get to spend 30 minutes a day with them. And the other 23.5 i am either working/commuting or sleeping. And work to me isnt just boring or difficult. It is actual literal torture. I just cant stand it. And on top of enduring almost constant psychological torture, I still have no fucking money after bills. Its just work work work work work and I get fucking nothing in return. I literally cant afford a car at all. Not even close. No chance of even getting close. I cant go to college. Even if it was free I just wouldnt have the time. I have no experience outside of fast food and retail. Im almost 25 and I have made absolutely nothing of myself. Literally I do not see the point of living whatsoever. Anything good about life is stolen from me by constantly working. I genuinely loathe every breath i take. I wish I was dead every second of every day. I fucking hate working. The problem is I love the rest of life. I love nature, I love art, I love reading I love life, but that has all been stolen from.me amd there is no escape. Its just work work work work work work work. Fuck this. I cant do it.
https://redd.it/1byt8z6
@r_suicidewatch
Being a Suicidal Female attracts predatory men
I’m talking about the men who will seek out troubled or traumatized women in apparent hope to listen to them and help them. I find that these men often believe they are superior to me and “enjoy giving direction.” I talk to them because I search for understanding even though I am aware most are hoping to dominate our conversations and sexual situations. They will lecture you and hope to teach you a thing or two about life because they believe you to be a helpless, damaged girl. They would like to tie you up and fuck you into submission. They like that a lot. Some will confess fucked desires- they are turned on by dead girls or would like to see you die. You will laugh at the absurdity of it all because you are too lucid to accept that kind of treatment but too depressed to throw knives at them. Which they deserve in the end, because so many prey on vulnerable women.
https://redd.it/1byqt24
@r_suicidewatch
If you're ever gonna commit suicide, don't ever slit your throat
i slit my throat a while ago with a razor blade and as i'm typing this the cut still hurts. i felt an intense shock except the along the shock was it being super painful, much more intense than slitting your wrist. it was such a nightmare. the slit was so small yet it hurt a lot. it was way fucking worse than any kind of physical pain i've ever experienced. i cant even put into words from how badly it hurt but it was an extreme burning sensation, i felt as if air was coming out of where i slit it, blood was pouring out, i had to cover my neck with my other hand in the entire process but then i started coughing out blood. at some point i felt as if i was drowning in my own internal bleeding so coughing and spitting out the blood helped me from drowning less. other than that i started becoming so drowsy. nobody was in the house at the time and i didn't think i had enough consciousness to call the police. i started panicking from the realization of what i have done. for the whole several minutes, i ended up crying while i was losing so much blood and trying to find ways to stop the pain and lack of breathing. i ended up just placing layers of cloth to my neck along with betadine. then after a few minutes i passed out, not sure if it was from crying or from losing consciousness but at that point i thought i was gonna die. i ended up waking up about a few hours later from how i was still experiencing physical pain but bleeding stopped. honestly even after all that i wish i had died instead but im too exhausted to experience any more physical pain right now
https://redd.it/1bym9m9
@r_suicidewatch
please see me
please say hello. please recognize me.
https://redd.it/1bykakx
@r_suicidewatch
I wish I wasn't autistic / ADHD
I'm in my late 20s but I feel a lot younger tbh.
I don't have a clue what I'm going to do. I have no motivation to work or study. I don't see a point in living yet I'm too scaredy to end it.
I go through phases of depression. I don't go outside a lot. I get scared if something will go wrong. And i was a person who used to travel across states on my bike. I feel too paranoid these days.
It was hard going to school and college. Being around people and feeling really alone. But I feel kinda peaceful I dont need to deal with the first half. I've tried therapy and meds it didn't really change things i imagined it to be.
I exercise, cook and I love those things. Anything apart feels too much to me. And having to live with my parents is depressing. I hate my narc dad. Hearing his passive aggressive rants like all the time. He makes me feel really bad
I see many good people dying i don't feel deserving of this life. On one end I feel useless and on the other I hate living. It feels like a torture to be alive
https://redd.it/1bycvxy
@r_suicidewatch
i wish my family didnt exist so no-one would be sad if i offed myself
ive given up at love and social life already, nothing would change if i dissappeared.
i dont give a fuck anymore, i only exist on the internet without going outside
https://redd.it/1by5pr8
@r_suicidewatch
30 m just dont know how to keep going without her
Ive been struggling with depression and anxiety for more than 15 years now. Completly isolated myself and had no hope for the future until 3 years ago I met my girlfriend. She suffers from mental health issues aswell, and for the first time I felt like I met someone that actually understands me. She made me feel happy, which I never thought was possible for me.
Of course there were lots of ups and downs in our relationship aswell, and it wasnt always perfect but she was and still is the love of my life and my soulmate.
I was always worried about losing her and those feelings got overwhelmingly stronger after she attempted suicide last year. I put everything i had into her, all my love and energy. I Just wanted to make her happy and feel safe, put her always first and ignored myself. Everything for her and I dont regret any moment of that. She deserves the best.
Now 1 month ago she overdosed next to me.
Stopped breathing, lips and fingers turned blue, skin pale and barely a heartbeat. I desperatly did everything I could to keep her alive until help arrived and thankfully it worked. She survived but refused to go to the hospital.
The day after that her personality Seemed to completly flip. She got angry and aggressive towards me, and then when I tried to take the drugs from her she had a complete mental breakdown, locked herself in her room, refusing to talk to me and probably doing more drugs. This lasted for nearly a week and during that time she Texted me some very cruel things, while I was permanently worried she will either overdose or try to kill herself again.
It ended pretty much with her telling me to kill myself and throwing me out.
Since then I have not heard from her, and I can't just go and talk to her since I'm living in a different country and couldn't stay longer.
Now I'm home, alone, without hope for the future. Permanently thinking about her.
I've had lots of thoughts in the past about not wanting to live anymore, but I would have never done anything. But now? The thoughts are getting stronger and stronger every day and more concrete. I Just dont know how to keep going without her, even after all that happened I want to be with her forever. We even wanted to marry and already had her engagement ring picked out.
Now my thoughts are just alternating all day every day between thinking about her and killing myself. Every night i have nightmares about her. My mind is never at ease. It is torture.
https://redd.it/1by2h4q
@r_suicidewatch
I'm not afraid of dying. I'm afraid of the process of dying.
Seriously, it's insane how much the human body can take. Sometimes people die from the dumbest accidents or survive the most horrifying methods of suicide and fuck up their body for the rest of their lives, that's what is holding me back, it's a huge risk and there is almost no 100% success rate (except maybe a shotgun to the head?). It's really unfair tbh :( i wish i could, y'know, not exist anymore
https://redd.it/1by1q2l
@r_suicidewatch
Too many surgeries and i'm still 22. Reaching my limits.
Long story, but i basically did 4 surgeries in my early life (6 -17)which fucked my whole childhood/teenage arc.
Everytime you do an intrusive surgery to your body, its basically a bullet in the soul followed by months of debilitation.
Now with almost 22 years, i have another issue in my body which needs a proper surgery or it'll keep coming back.
Feels like a signal to drop some acid and jump off a cliff.
https://redd.it/1bxzbiv
@r_suicidewatch
