help
i’m 19f & i got diagnosed with bipolar, ocd, adhd, & chronic anxiety about 4 years ago. I was good as a kid & never had any huge problems until i moved states & a bunch of things made my life go down hill. i’m losing hope. i’m so anxiety everyday that i feel sick & now have horrible stomach problems that no doctors can seem to fix. i’ve tried almost every anti depressant & it only makes things 100x worse. i really want to end it. i’ve started lexapro about a month ago & all i can think about is dying or hoping i got killed randomly. ive been looking up how to die peacefully. & drugs that are easy to overdose on. i just want someone to talk to because i feel like a burden to my close friends. i always tell them im going to do something bad & have never done something more than just cutting. if someone can talk please or if anyone has info on easy ways to go out please let me know.
https://redd.it/1c8qctk
@r_suicidewatch
suicide
I want kill myself. I thought I was supporting my family with kindness. I work myself to death to try to make it in this world and give back to my family. I lost my mother to suicide but I finally understand why she did it. I was betrayed by the people I devoted everything to. I don't want to be here anymore. I just want peace and to be gone, they would be better off anyway because clearly my efforts mean nothing to them. I want to end it all. I will try the helium method.
https://redd.it/1c8nt7w
@r_suicidewatch
My deadline to kill myself was June 2024...but things turned around
I've been posting here, mainly to the void, but I use this like an anonymous blog. About twice a year, I do this. I often read my past posts to see where I am at mentally. In 2020, after separating from the military, I made plans to kill myself in 2024. The goal was to live my life to the fullest as best i can and see where i end up mentally. If I still felt like shit, then I was going to end my life after graduating.
Things have turned around. I set out to do all the goals i set out for myself and some how achieved them all. I even got enough courage to ask a girl out yesterday, and she said yes. I've been a loner and loser my whole life, and I am at the end of this journey with a new perspective. Things aren't always so great. I don't find myself wanting to end my life every once in a while, but it's not as severe as it was in 2020.
Despite my new view in life, I still have one suicidal belief that I don't think I will ever grow out of. I don't truly value my life; my new plan is to end it when I can no longer work. When I was in the military, I had savings that accumulated similar to an IRA; it was called TSP (Thrift Savings Plan). I suspect i wont live past the time when I can use that money, which is 59 1/2. Even if i did live long enough, i probably will have five years tops. So, my new plan is basically to pull the money out early (which isn't much) and to kill myself as my retirement. It's pretty silly, but that's what I've decided. Not because I'm super depressed but simply because I don't want to suffer after I retire.
I know no one will read this; this is mainly for future me and possibly a loved one who happens to find these posts after my death.
https://redd.it/1c8g2wo
@r_suicidewatch
I am 18 an lost my VCard to a prostitute aka a hooker i feel like less than a man an want to end it.
I only got this app to ask’s if it’s over for me let me explain, I am still in high school almost 19 years old and just lost my Virginity to a prostitute for 60$ I paid for sex..it was honestly not even good at all actually sucked. I throw away the clothes I had on once I got home and took a shower immediately, I feel shameful an will never do it again I am telling it here because it’s my only outlet I don’t have any friends at all not as if I’d tell them anyway I honestly am giving up on life thank you for reading I’ll try to hang on for longer because of my little brother I love you all have a good night/day.
https://redd.it/1c8fc3y
@r_suicidewatch
Just sayin thank you
A while ago I made a post saying how I felt like I couldn't go on and felt like I would end up killing myself but a bunch of people replied to my post saying really nice things to me and told me to keep going and stuff like that. Thank you to everyone who cared. It's nice to know that there are some people out there who will take the time out of day to help. I still feel pretty rough at times but the replies made me feel better in myself and better about the world. Thank you :D
https://redd.it/1c8e2al
@r_suicidewatch
I think I’m getting better
15M
Ik most of you wont care but to those few people who actually responded and tried helping me through my rants and vents and other stuff I just wanted to let you guys know that I think I’m getting better.
I haven’t been having suicidal thoughts as much recently and I’ve actually had a bit of motivation to do things which I used to have a severe lack of, I just want to thank you guys for the inspiration and help to get me back on track and focus on my life as it is and not how it’s gonna end.
What I’ve been doing if any of you care or have read this far is been going on walks with me dogs to get me out in fresh air and clear my mind and I’ve been listening to music too which seems to help a lot, certain artists like frank ocean and Brent faiyaz seem to help as they’re not super depressing music and the final thing I’ve been doing is going to sleep earlier bc before I was exhausted all the time and had no motivation and I realised that most of my suicidal thoughts were at night and since I’ve been going to bed earlier I haven’t really been having them as much so thank you to everyone I hope it gets better for you and if you ever need help please reach out I love you.
https://redd.it/1c87fvs
@r_suicidewatch
Suicide is so lonely
(Tw) I(23F) have been fighting this for 4 years now. I am isolated and could use someone to talk to. I know reddit isn't the best place but it felt really lonely that I want to do it but have no one to turn to. I am scared
https://redd.it/1c86qjr
@r_suicidewatch
Humans have constantly showed me how disposable I am and maybe I should dispose of myself
I never belonged here I don’t feel human. People will take so much from you and discard of you whether it’s tangible or not. I miss all the life I had in me and now I feel like a walking corpse. I just wanted everyone else to be happy but now I’m all alone with dreams of peace being no longer in existence. No one actually cared about me as much as I did them. Isn’t it beautiful how meaningless these one sided connections are. No ones here to ease the pain and suffering but I know there is one way out
https://redd.it/1c84s5o
@r_suicidewatch
If she divorces me, I’ll kill myself.
My wife dropped a bomb yesterday that she wants to separate. I don’t even fully understand why. I think I convinced her to go to marriage counselling but I get the feeling she made her mind up.
Long story short, she harbours a lot of resentment and seems to hate me for things in the past. We have a five year old kid that I love immensely. Her work ramped up over the last six months and she started seeing a psychologist. She started getting a bit distant. I got clingy THINKING it could compensate. Dumb idea.
I think she’s emotionally and mentally checked out of the relationship. I haven’t told anyone but if she divorces me, I’ll kill myself. There’s no point. There’s too much pain already.
https://redd.it/1c803gj
@r_suicidewatch
Is it dumb my cats are the only things keeping me alive?
I’m fully prepared to live a life of misery and I’ve accepted it years ago, but my cats are why I’ve accepted it, not my human family (I’ve had no friends for over five years).
Honestly, now would be the best time to end it: my mum is happy and engaged, and pregnant with a good man, my two brothers are young and I’d just be a distant memory to the oldest of the two.
But I hate the idea of leaving my cats. I love them too much for that…
https://redd.it/1c7ucja
@r_suicidewatch
fact that we'll be there sooner than anyone could have planned for. If she goes, I'm done. There's no sense in living another 30 years with the pain I've grown up with and the devastation her death will wreak on me. I've had people I loved die before. This is different. This feels massive. I cannot carry this amount of pain and suffering on top of what I already have on my plate.
I did what I wanted to from life. Saw what I wanted to. I got my dream career for the last 5 years after bumbling through careers that didn't make me happy. I resolved my feelings about my stolen childhood. I made peace with the abuse. I even accepted my abusive parents, knowing that they can't parent me twice so may as well just grieve the parenting I could have had. I have done enough, seriously, I am fine with everything I got from this life. With her by my side, I wanted to experience life with her no matter what we did, where we went. Perhaps in months, hopefully years, she is likely to die. I will leave as well. I'm not following her, I don't believe in any afterlife, I am simply refusing to do this longer than I can endure.
Her cancer has denied her a lifetime. I wanted my life to go on with her. We have been denied a life together before it could really fully completely start. When the bulk of the procedures are done, we'll marry. And when the fateful day finally comes, I'll make plans for myself to die as well.
https://redd.it/1c7spmr
@r_suicidewatch
Post suicide
Nobody really tells you how to behave after a failed suicide attempt and it's been weird navigating it. I've had relatives coming out of the woodworks asking how I'm feeling and comforting me. The weirdest of all is how am I supposed to navigate this post failed suicide attempt. I don't know if I should just stay in my room or should I even go to the gym. Any advice and kind replies are welcomed.
https://redd.it/1c7s2x7
@r_suicidewatch
Any last hopeful words?
So I've just about wrapped up my preparations and said my goodbyes. My important items have set inheritors, my animals are arranged to be taken care of and I'm just waiting on a few more visits with friends and family.
Is there any last words that you guys have that might help? I'm not hopeful but stranger things have happened so I figured I'd ask
https://redd.it/1c7oijn
@r_suicidewatch
i decided i’m going to end my life.
hi, i hope this finds you very well. i realized something scary and important to me today, and i wanted to write it down.
im 20, i’m a girl, im a college student. i have friends and family that love me. i am pretty. i have a job i truly enjoy. i have passions, i have a future laid out ahead of me. i have never wanted for anything in this life, and i have decided i’m going to kill myself the day after my twenty first birthday. and i will not be changing my mind.
why? i genuinely don’t want to continue. i do not want to hurt any longer. i do not want to grow old. i do not want to worry about all of the things that make being a human so special. i want quiet. and more than anything, i want the reality of dying, which is endlessly nothing at all. i really quite simply want nothing at all, and this is the only way to obtain it.
in many ways, this is the simplest decision i’ve made in my entire life. i feel a great deal of calm when i think about my plan. when i think about not hurting anymore, i feel the most beautiful ways anyone could. and i feel so ready, but i want to be careful and kind and take my time. im waiting until my birthday has passed, because i want to intentionally spend time with the people i care about. i want to do this the right way, and hurt everyone as little as possible. i am looking forward to my last little pieces of life, because i think they will be the most important ones i ever take part in. until i go, to the best of my ability, i am going to be pure love and kindness to everyone i encounter. i feel called to this. i feel ready for it. this is how i will let go.
https://redd.it/1c7okew
@r_suicidewatch
I don’t want to be male.
Why was I born male? Just because? Why’d I get so unlucky. I just want to be female and it feels like it’s too late for me to transition (18). I just wish I go back and stop my teen self from letting my parents stop me from transitioning, I could have been on hormones for 3 years already but I just didn’t want my parents to hate me and felt like they could just stop me anyways. I hate my life, I’m going to try transitioning now but if it doesn’t work I’m just gonna kill myself. I used to actually like how I looked somewhat but now I just look in the mirror and hate myself. I know I could get ffs but I 100% know my parents wouldn’t let me, they weren’t even going to let me transition until just now after I tried to commit suicide again. Even though I’m 18 I just hate how much control they have over me. Getting a sex change just sounds so awful too, painful and expensive. I just wish I could be born female and have a family eventually.
https://redd.it/1c7hq04
@r_suicidewatch
I've done it
I've taken loads of antidepressants. Had a fight with my parents today. I'm done. Goodbye. I'll miss my dog. I love him. I hope he's taken good care of. I haven't written a note as there's nothing to say but
https://redd.it/1c8nr2f
@r_suicidewatch
I'm think I'm going to do it. I'm done.
I'm 56 and I live alone. No family or friends. I have a million things wrong with me. Chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia, irritable bowel syndrome and painful bladder syndrome. I was abused as a child and never stood a chance. The pain is horrible and it's just going to get worse. I'm losing my teet. I feel unbearably lonely. I never had a boyfriend in my whole life. I barely had a job. My mom told me not to drag my bum down the street. While mom, I didn't. The coos were just here. I told them that I wanted to off myself. They said that they heard before.
https://redd.it/1c8lzc1
@r_suicidewatch
i want everything to get worse
i want to finally have a fucking visible reason I guess to be acting like this, I wanna starve myself, cut myself, faint, get a fucking disease or something bro I wanna die so damn bad I hate everything I hate myself my face my body my height my weight my hair my disgusting personality and horrible jokes and literally everything I do I wanna disappear I wish I wasn't even born at all like why do I always gotta thug it in and act happy and normal in order to be liked mate wtf??? I hope a fucking car hits me or I get high enough and kill myself or jump off a fucking building and die
https://redd.it/1c8coav
@r_suicidewatch
I was sexually assaulted as a child. I never stood a chance.
28m. I was 6 years old. Nobody in my family knows. My mother is mentally ill and has been my whole life. Ive never been loved. Ive never felt love. I dont want to live, ive never wanted to live…
https://redd.it/1c8eus6
@r_suicidewatch
I (16M) Just Cut Myself For The First Time
I would like to talk to somebody.
https://redd.it/1c8chbx
@r_suicidewatch
why people want to keep you alive at any cost?
why is bad to let mentally ill people to kill themselves?
i mean, people with severe form of mental illness will live with chronic symptoms,and medication are must to be alive with therapy in some cases,being alive is just pain and suffering,that i wonder:is it more selfish to let them live because we can't let go?
https://redd.it/1c87xef
@r_suicidewatch
I felt since I was 13 my fate/destiny is to kill myself. I see no future for me, no family and no job aspirations. I have no plans.
I’ve felt since I was a child, that I should die. Now I’m 20 and I feel like it’s my fate almost. I don’t usually believe in fate, but when I think of my life I don’t know where I’m going. What I’m doing. I cant picture myself with a husband and a home in the future, I have no job aspirations.
I never really planned as I thought I would’ve gotten the balls and ended myself already. Even as a kid I didn’t really have a clear idea of what I wanted to be when I grew up.
Now I’m stuck. Even when I’m having a good day, and I have no suicidal thoughts, I still think I’m supposed to end up killing myself. That it’s inevitable. It hurts me to imagine my nan and my best friend seeing my body being carried, it physically pains me. But I just can’t imagine a future with me in it. And I don’t know why.
https://redd.it/1c82ums
@r_suicidewatch
As an autistic transman I genuinely think suicide is my only option
I don't know why I'm feeling this way I just feel so drained so tired I'm so sick of everyone and everything I'm sick of being autistic why was I born this way I can't work school is a nightmare and I genuinely can't do this anymore everyone is so much cooler and happier then me going to parties getting partners and shit and I'm just rotting in bed I have no future ahead of me I live in such a shit country and I'll never get to do what I love because of my lack of skills I always wanted to work in the entertainment industry but lack any skills I always wanted to do art but after months of practice my art looks shit I'm just worthless and I want to die honestly just wanna die dysphoria is killing me from the inside out and I'm such a loser and I'm genuinely just a shitty person i just had an argument with my friends and ugh I have like what 5 friends and they all have 50+ this fucking stinks man I wanna die
https://redd.it/1c8189r
@r_suicidewatch
I just overdosed
I just took 8 x 500mg paracetamol and I’ve also had 150mg on antidepressants. I phoned an ambulance and was told the response time could be up to two hours. Is this normal?! What do I do now sit and wait? I’m by myself and haven’t told anyone cause I’m too ashamed I also have started self harming again
https://redd.it/1c7wsk8
@r_suicidewatch
Too scared to die, too depressed to live
This is agony. Being half alive half dead.
It’s never been better. I don’t have any memories to come back to. It’s a mistake I was born.
https://redd.it/1c7u5cx
@r_suicidewatch
Girlfriend has Cancer
I'm 33 (m), 34 in August. I fell in love with my girlfriend 31 (f) and we were ready to marry and live together for the rest of our lives. Two weeks ago, from the day of posting this, I took her to the hospital because she had been having bad headaches on and off for a few weeks and the left side of her face went numb. We did an MRI expecting nothing major to come out of it and it turns out she has cancer.
I don't want to specify which tumours she has because I'm terrified someone will tell me the odds of her pulling through and I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear the statistics or the chances or anything. All I want from the doctors is to know what's the next and best steps and do them.
The terrifying part is that, even today, she's asymptomatic apart from the headaches (which have gone away when they gave her medication) but after two weeks of testing, it's confirmed that it's serious.
Now we haven't lost hope yet, we're getting the best treatment options for her and the doctors have said it's beatable. So we're going to beat it together no matter what the cost.
But I know I'm avoiding the stats and odds because I know that I cannot handle her dying so soon. For a bit of background, I grew up in a really abusive household and have carried a lot of trauma into adulthood. I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD until my late 20s which made most of my life really challenging since I could never understand why I didn't function right. I've been in therapy for 2-3 years and have worked through most of my childhood trauma. What never changed is my fatigue with being alive. I've had little hope for my own future and little joy for what could come. Therapy helped, certainly, but life is tough and it's not getting better around us. She came into my life and I experienced safety, love, and miraculously happiness. It resuscitated me. I wanted to live and live long with her. For the first time in so so long, I was excited for my future with her together.
And then the last two weeks happened and despite how much we're trying, I can't shake the looming anxiety that she's not going to make it. And I'll be honest, I'm not remotely ready for it. Her loss will break me. The day it happens, whenever it happens, I'll do the arrangements, support her family, do my best to sort everything out. And when it's all done, I'm going to kill myself.
I'm expecting a lot of people will tell me I have a lot to live for but I'm going to stress that the last three decades on this planet have been largely ugly and horrible. I've been beaten, thrown out of home, betrayed by my sister who witnessed the abuse and didn't take my side when I finally confronted my mother. I've been fighting suicidal thoughts since I was a teenager and they've never really gone away, even with therapy. With therapy, it's dimmed to a small noise in the corner of my brain but it's never been silent.
Anyway it's not silent anymore. The day she succumbs (if she succumbs, I still want to believe we can beat this), I have made my peace with having gotten the most out of this shitty horrible life. I grew as a person. I broke the cycle of abuse. I helped others as best as I could. I took care of my trauma (largely). I even proved to myself that I could quit cigarettes and be healthy. I brought my cholesterol down to a healthy green within normal range level. I proved to myself that with all of the effort I could put in, I could pull out a healthy happy life for myself from the shit and the suffering I've grown up with.
Before she came into my life and integrated into it, I had made my peace with solitude. Have partners here and there but no permanence. No need for anything long-term. I was ready to just enjoy life as it came until I died and the suffering ended. She came in and blessed me with a life I literally thought was an impossibility for me. I wanted to wake up to her face, goof with her, raise cats with her until we were old and grey.
I feel like that life has been stolen from me. Even though nothing major has happened, I can't shake the
At what point do I go to a mental hospital
I just tried to kill myself (bag over head, started having a panic attack and ripped a hole)
At what point do I send myself to a mental hospital? I feel like maybe I'm not truly serious about it but like I am planning on trying it again once the pain killers I took hit me, so like should I? I feel like that would be inconvenient for my parents if people come in the middle of the night and take me away lol
https://redd.it/1c7ql7x
@r_suicidewatch
It never gets better! Fuck you to the person who says others to have “hope”
1. Went through multiple doctors/therapists
2. Been taking a bulk load of meds
3. Tried going offline forever…deleted my digital presence… didnt work
4. Shared my thoughts and condition with family and friends..got ignored, made fun off and even thrown out of friend circles
5. Tried working out … didnt work
6. Multiple failed attempts and people say i should grow up
CURRENT CONDITION-
1. Suicidal
2. Depressed
3. Physically and mentally in pain
4. No friends
5. Distant family
6. Tired af
7. Hopeless
8. No future
9. No love
10. No trust
11. Thinking about jumping from the roof
Its been around 7-8 years suffering from depression, suicidal tendencies, bipolar, borderline, ocpd
And people say to have hope and things will get better :) hypocrisy!
https://redd.it/1c7pdct
@r_suicidewatch
I want to kill myself but can’t because of the people in my life so I just feel stuck.
https://redd.it/1c7lsx1
@r_suicidewatch
Hi 🫠🤗
Just drop by to say hi 👋👋
https://redd.it/1c7h8tu
@r_suicidewatch
