18F - I was raped on the way home from work and I feel broken/dirty
Hi everyone, I am new here so hopefully I post this correct.
I am an 18 year old girl and one day when I was walking home from work at night I was raped by a random guy in a forest area between my work and home (It's a usual shortcut I take).
It hurt and I feel completely dirty and disgusting.
I reported it to the police but they said there's no CCTV and the DNA samples they took don't match anyone on their database so currently it's highly unlikely anyone will be found (Unless his DNA gets added to the database in future)...
I spoke to a therapist but even after that I still feel so broken and dirty and worthless...
Does anyone have any ideas on how I get over this? I feel so pointless now.
https://redd.it/1cc5zxt
@r_suicidewatch
I am giving up on life
I am slowly giving in to the voices in my head and my parents still refuse to take me to the professionals. I spent a whole week contemplating suicide and i think ive reached my conclusion. This past days ive been trying nonstop to find ways to kill myself, none has been successful so far. And every time i go home from attempting all they do is yell at me. “wtf is wrong with you?!” is what i hear very often, i hate hearing that phrase bc idk wth is wrong with me neither.
Im rlly tired with everything, rn i feel like holding on a thin string. I cant take this anymore. I am gonna jump off a 10 floor building tomorrow, will that be enough to kill me or will i just fuck up my whole body and endure pain even more?
https://redd.it/1cc1the
@r_suicidewatch
Why can't we kill ourselves?
I have been deeply curious, as to why we suffer ongoing pain, to the point of being so numb and disassociated from this world, but can't ever bring ourselves to ending our lives. Could someone explain the science behind what makes someone decide to kill themselves, and what stops them. Is there a specific limit our mind needs to reach before it slips and we lose it all like a light switch. (My family is the cause of my depression, so being sad for them is not a concern)
https://redd.it/1cbub8e
@r_suicidewatch
I hate my body
My shoulders are too wide, my face is too long and im too tall... I just want to end it, my body doesnt feel true to me. I hate it so much, I cant function being someone I dont recongize as myself. Everything is just a trigger for my self-hate, even people complimenting me makes me feel gross.
https://redd.it/1cbvmju
@r_suicidewatch
Do they really care?
Has anyone had the experience of telling friends how you feel and they literally brush you off because they don’t care if it’s not about them.
But you know damn well they are the people would use your death like fuel to get attention for themselves?
https://redd.it/1cbsnc3
@r_suicidewatch
I survived my suicide attempt and woke up heartbroken
Last weekend I carried through with my plan. I won’t say what it was because it will go against guidelines.
I woke up with stitches in the ER. I cried because I woke up in the world I wanted to escape. I regret surviving.
It doesn’t get better.
https://redd.it/1cbr1t7
@r_suicidewatch
I deserve to die I’m an horrible person
I’m a monster I can’t anymore
https://redd.it/1cbp6ds
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I ran away
I’m a 20 y/o pregnant mom of a toddler and I left home 10 minutes before her dad was going to come home. She was sleeping. I’m extremely suicidal and need help. Nobody cares. Everyone is just angrily texting me and expecting me to do more. I ran away because of them. I get absolutely zero support, just lectures and yelling. Literally zero people care lol. So tired of it. I wanna crash into a walllll lol
https://redd.it/1cblqwa
@r_suicidewatch
I believe I was born to suffer, and I'm tired of pretending otherwise
Childhood was shit, full of toxicity. Now I struggle to be an adult. Everytime I try to better my situation I am fucked over by things beyond my control that send me into a mental downfall right back to where I started. I'm so fucking sick of trying I don't care anymore.
https://redd.it/1cbcnhp
@r_suicidewatch
Suicide is the golden ticket to end my mental suffering and trauma, it’s like a one way ticket to finally being at peace, it’s about time I accept that offer.
I’m being given the opportunity to end all my suffering & trauma, no more pain, no more nightmares, no more existing and all it takes is for me to go through with it, and it’s about time I did. I’m to far gone now, death is the only solution for ending my pain. I don’t want therapy, I don’t want medication, I don’t want professionals or my family poisoning my brain with bullshit lies telling me “it gets better” or “just give it a chance” because it never really gets better does it? I’ve been suffering since my brain had the capacity to think for itself. Suicide is waiting for me, I can’t wait to finally be at peace. Theres just some scars & wounds that can never be repaired, no matter how much you try, and if you do try it’s just turns into an neverending cycle of suffering & pain and I don’t want that…. I don’t wish that type of suffering onto anyone.
May you all find peace in life and in death🩷and for those seeking recovery I’m proud of you.
https://redd.it/1cb9php
@r_suicidewatch
It never does get better
Fuck everyone who said it would it only got worse
https://redd.it/1cb9k8q
@r_suicidewatch
Fuck this
Fuck being homeless, fuck being poor, fuck working, fuck being a cripple. I’m sick of it.. Everyone tells you to “keep going” but for what? All I’ll do is suffer for the next 30 years. Fuck this, I’m going to the forest and I’m going to fucking hang myself!! Fuck!! I’ve been planning this for months but today is the final straw. I’m fucking done.
https://redd.it/1cb5igu
@r_suicidewatch
I don't understand why everyone is working so hard what for?
https://redd.it/1cazk4q
@r_suicidewatch
“You have a child”
That’s the reason I’m given over and over again whenever I try and open up to anyone. I am severely depressed and just generally hate living. The only thing that actually gets me up in the morning is planning a way out. I honestly don’t know what the point of posting this is. I’m just sick of trying to talk to anyone and getting the whole “you have a child what is wrong with you?” speech.
https://redd.it/1caw39o
@r_suicidewatch
I’m 13, I have made my plan
I am done with this world. I feel nothing but pain regardless of what I do. Only drugs make me feel happy, but that just makes me feel numb. I am tired of the pain and this is my last attempt at becoming happy.
During the summertime I am going to say fuck it. I will do whatever i want. I will sneak out. I will be dangerous. I dont care anymore, I just want to feel something positive for once. If I don’t find happiness, if I don’t find a reason to continue living by September 7th, I am going to 1. Commit suicide (maybe by overdose?)
2. Accept my depressing life and rot forever
I have already began writing notes. I do not expect to find anything during the summertime but I can only pray. I am so pathetically desperate but I do not care anymore. I hope everyone else can find their happiness even if I can’t.
https://redd.it/1catghn
@r_suicidewatch
i keep thinking about the suicide attempt that should have killed me
i (23F) ODd and then tried to hang myself. my body was blue. if they had just waited a few more minutes to find me, i’d be gone. i ended up having multiple seizures from the overdose and was intubated because my brain was swelling. that was just over 3 years ago. when i woke up the doctor told me i was lucky to be alive. if only she had known just how angry and embarrassed i was to have survived. my life is still going nowhere. i have made zero progress since my attempt. there is no redemption arc. there is nothing but pain, suffering, and shame.
https://redd.it/1cc49lg
@r_suicidewatch
Considering walking to the bridge instead of to work
I really can't do this anymore
I'm in constant pain. I need medical care I can't afford. Finding full-time employment, despite my many years of experience, has just been fucking impossible.
I've dedicated my whole life to living for my community and living sustainably, yet the world just keeps going to shit.
I've never been happy, but I used to be optimistic about it. There's only so many times you can pick yourself back up again before the whole thing starts to seem comical.
I'm so alone. Bpd/autism/anorexia are kicking my ass. I can't keep friends.
I don't want to do this anymore. I want to do something for myself for once in my life.
I try to hate the people who have abandoned and used me, but I just don't have the capacity to hate like that. I'm just so....soft. Weak. I can't do this
https://redd.it/1cc0a8l
@r_suicidewatch
I'm so exhausted
https://redd.it/1cbxp63
@r_suicidewatch
Is suicide cowardice?
Everyone says the people who commit suicide are cowards. And here i am pretty sure that i want to kill myself but i can't find the courage to do so. So, am i not the real coward?
https://redd.it/1cbuu5t
@r_suicidewatch
Finally doing it
I never asked for this, why do i have to be trans its disgusting, i deserve to die. I cant access HRT and all of my friends dropped me when they found out im trans, im truly a freak.
https://redd.it/1cbtpog
@r_suicidewatch
Why does it matter if someone commits suicide?
I'm actually wondering about my empathy. To me if someone chooses to commit suicide, thats their decision and not mine and I have no problems with that. But in society it seems like its everyone's duty to stop someone from committing suicide. I don't understand that. I also don't feel that emotional over random events of others that are not related to me, even if it was a bad event with victims, how unusual is this??
Not everyone is capable of living a happy life, there are plenty of cases of it, although the spotlight isn't usually on them. Why not let them go in peace if they choose?
https://redd.it/1cbqpxe
@r_suicidewatch
I'm tired of existing for everyone else
All I do is think about others. What is best for them. Causes them the least inconvenience or pain. What makes them the happiest. All I get is pain. I have never been important. I don't think I ever will be.
https://redd.it/1cbm0km
@r_suicidewatch
Would this be enough to kill me for certain?
I (36F) don't have any reliable methods. I don't own a gun and hanging and bleeding out would be too slow and easily survivable living in a small cramped home with a lot of other people. Who, before I get any comments sympathizing with them, are a huge part of why I want to die so badly. I don't want them to find me and feed their victim narrative that they've used to abuse me my whole life. I already accepted suicide is technically going to be a "win" for these narcissists but what else can I do? I'm never going to be okay. I'm only getting worse. I've lost my dog to cancer and she was all I had left. My family then went and got another pupoy before I was even ready for another one and as sweet of a little thing that he is, he's constantly being used against me to hurt me. He'll be fine living with them though, they take good enough care of him for me not to worry when I'm gone.
Anyway, as for why I'm here. These are the meds at my disposal:
About 3 mo. worth of 500mg metformin.
A month's or so worth 37.5mg phentermine
3 mo. worth of 50mg topiramate
and about a month's worth of 40mg fluoxetine
If I took them all at once, would it kill me or just leave me devastatingly sick and possibly disabled for the rest of my life? I really need a sure method but this is the best I can come up with right now.
I know hanging can be quick too but it'll be hard to find a rope and support that will hold the weight of a human body in my house. Plus, you have the tie the knot PERFECTLY or else it'll fuck it up and cause a slow and painful death that is too easy to survive if found by others too soon.
Also considering just driving straight into an oncoming 18-wheeler but again, can be survived, and can cause disabilities and I don't want to fuck up my car.
Why does the human body have to be so goddamn resilient. I just want to be with all the loved ones I've lost over the years. I'm sick of living in a hostile world where literally everyone from family to total strangers just yell at me constantly and treat me like shit and it's just been steadily getting worse as I get older.
https://redd.it/1cbc40v
@r_suicidewatch
This world is too fucking competitive
That’s it. That’s the post. I have no willpower to climb the ladder and can’t stand being at the bottom.
https://redd.it/1cba0dp
@r_suicidewatch
I feel like I was born to kill myself.
I within my whole heart and soul know that I am supposed to end my life early. No matter what I do I cannot make life work for me. I feel cursed.
https://redd.it/1cb8eev
@r_suicidewatch
life never gets better.
it never improves. just when things start to go your way you get a big slap in the face from life. truly is a cruel world, and that’s how it will always be. most will never be anything. it’s not that it’s hard to make something of yourself, it’s that life doesn’t want you to. life will keep you locked away from who and what you want to be. and there is only a few ways out, continuing to resist or surrendering to death.
https://redd.it/1cb4r13
@r_suicidewatch
Why did God created us in the first place if he knows what'll happen?
I don't understand why God created me when he knows the future and that I'll end up like this, suicidal and tired of everything. No purpose on keeping going and be in so much pain. Why creating a species when you know that we're sinner from the moment we're born in this cruel world. I honestly don't understand this concept.
https://redd.it/1cb1x50
@r_suicidewatch
My friend is too suicidal for me to handle.
Hey, I'm a 17 year old HS student and a girl in my class who found me somewhat relatable due to my quiet nature, started venting to me about her life and issues. Now normally i would never have issues with people asking for my help as i like to call myself the "therapist friend" but holy shit this isn't something i can deal with. I don't know what to do she just keeps talking about killing herself and nothing i say to her actually works.
For context she's gotten numb after her therapist gave her anti-depressants (she's also 17) She said her dose was 100mg? Her family is messed up and from what she told me she's out of touch with reality, has issues with talking to anyone, fakes her smile and acts like a different person. She told me she often spends 3-5 hours max of her day just spending time in her mind?? Whatever she meant by that is up to your interpretation. She told me how she doesn't feel close to anyone or anything, her hobbies lost its meaning and her mother is an asshole who resents her own daughter.
Can anyone please tell me what the fuck i am supposed to do? I know i sound like an asshole even typing this out but i am literally not qualified for this and i know i shouldn't even be involved with her dude.
Everytime we talk alone its her wanting to just commit suicide and i don't think i can handle this mentally anymore, is this wrong? Should i just stop being a bitch about this? I don't even know anymore.
https://redd.it/1cb0ucb
@r_suicidewatch
I hate that I can't kill myself
I have come to the conclusion I can't kill myself and I hate it. I just can't bring myself to because of my family and honestly I'm a coward. I don't even know the reason I wake up everyday,I am numb. I feel that my life is going nowhere. I have no reason to look forward to starting my day. Everyone of my "friends" always leave me and start distancing themselves from me. I hate everything about me.
https://redd.it/1cav7fl
@r_suicidewatch
gets better with time, huh?
yeah, no.
actually it's been getting worse.
https://redd.it/1camus1
@r_suicidewatch
