I am suicidal because I am Asian.
I'm a 14M, born to two Korean immigrants. I've never really thought about it before, but I've always seen how literally every other race is portrayed as attractive, except for Asians. White guys are the majority, and therefore most attractive. Black guys are seen as manly and desirable, and so are Latinos/Hispanics. Asians are seen as effeminate, nerdy, patriarchal, computer-geek losers who can't get a girl to save his life. I don't want these stereotypes placed on me, because I am 5'8 ( hope to become 6'0 when I am a full adult ), and decently fit. I wish I was born any other race than Asian, but being Asian is irrefutable. I want to give up on life. How do I get out of this mindset?
https://redd.it/1cer6b0
@r_suicidewatch
I confused myself. One week I want to live next I want to leave the world.
Does anyone else experience this? If like I’m having a good week socially and mentally everything feels great and the thought of death would never be in my mind, but if one thing or maybe a couple of things go wrong. I spiral, loose my tempter, don’t know who I am, beat myself up and feel suicidal or maybe only have suicidal thoughts.
The mood changes are unreal. I have been recently diagnosed with adhd but I feel this is more.
https://redd.it/1cen8da
@r_suicidewatch
I just want to be loved even in this final moment
I(22F) am about to take some pills. I know this will sound desperate but a love and acceptance for who I am would have given me a small push. Not being stuck in feeling like I am worthless and something is wrong with me. I just wanted to be seen and wanted. Reddit probably isn't the best place but I panicked and thought of talking to someone but I didn't have anyone.
Thank you for taking your time to read
https://redd.it/1celixe
@r_suicidewatch
I feel so jealous of normal people
like ughhh why are they living their best life when I'm suffering for no reason? What did I do to deserve this? I don't wish them to experience the same thing but the jealousy is just eating me alive. I wish I could go on without thinking about suicide every waking hour. So many people are so lucky and they don't even know that. Is god punishing me for something? I'm just ranting but it's so unfair
https://redd.it/1cektr8
@r_suicidewatch
I can’t do this anymore
nothing makes sense. The “it gets better” statement has proven false as every year has gotten exponentially worse over the last ten years. I am at the point where I am completely frozen, staying in bed literally waiting for death to come show me mercy and take me away. I hate the idea of having to do it myself nor do I even know how I would do it.
My dog who has been my lifeline has cancer and is on very limited time. My mom encouraged me to adopt another puppy and I simply can’t connect with her, I’ve had her for a few months and she’s been somewhat of a problem - I don’t have the energy for her. My younger niece really loves her which makes me think if I go, she will go to a very loving home.
I wish euthanasia was a thing - I can’t stand the idea of having to take myself out but on the same token I cannot stand the idea of staying her. I am tortured and I can’t do this. All I can do is sleep and wait for death to come. After years of malnutrition and isolation, it is bound to come for me soon???
It’s so unfair that I am stuck here. I can’t function, every day my body feels like it’s draped in 1000 lbs
weights. I can’t move, I have no appetite, I have no desire for anything but to just wait for death to please come for me in my sleep. Please take me out of my misery. I feel trapped.
Yes I am on medicine and in regular therapy with a trauma informed therapist but this is too much. I don’t have anything to live for anymore and I am suffering.
https://redd.it/1cehbcr
@r_suicidewatch
What's the point of living?
Like, honestly. What is it? Is it to have a family, a career or what? I feel like I'm the only one who has no goals in life. I don't have dreams, hobbies or hope at all. I'm chronically ill and I'll forever be in pain. There's no cure or solution or anything. I'll be in pain for the rest of my life. My brain is fucked up because I had childhood depression and now my neurologist says it affected my development. I don't even know if I'm able to feel happiness. I honestly need some hope because I turned 14 last year and jumping off a bridge has been plaguing me for years. I don't know if there's any reason to still be here.
So, what's the point of living? What's stopping you from commiting suicide right here and there?
https://redd.it/1cebfgb
@r_suicidewatch
I can’t go on like this. No one could.
I am a 43 year old man who is homeless and living in his car. I had a horrible mental health breakdown last year and lost my housing, employment, and friends. Now I just drift day to day, sitting by myself and staring out of my car window.
I have no children, no wife/lover, no friends, and no one to talk to or be around. My head injury which caused my depression/OCD/ADHD has robbed me of any quality of life. I used to be somewhat popular and had a decentish life, but my mental health robbed me of any ability to hold onto that small, yet good, existence.
I’m just so fucking lonely and sad now. I sit in my car and stare out the window. I go days on end without eating. I tried to get into a group living situation a week ago, but I didn’t get voted in.
I just want to die and see what comes next. If it’s nothing? That’s fine. Better than suffering.
Like most of us, I’m not sure if I want to “die”, I just want this life to end. I’d give anything for a week in a motel and some tasty food & company.
https://redd.it/1ce866l
@r_suicidewatch
I hate being same-sex attracted
I (16M) can’t even say the word at this point because I am so ashamed. Every night when I go to sleep I hope I never wake up. I have been shunned by my community and family. I wish I die in a car accident or someone would kill me. I hate myself and I hate being alive.
https://redd.it/1ce4jqp
@r_suicidewatch
I'm sad you guy's don't care about men's feelings.
I just went pass 30 female rants and not a single time even on a 3 minute mark were they ever ignored. I just scrolled past 50 dudes and they haven't even gotten a interaction
https://redd.it/1ce2b6w
@r_suicidewatch
In an ultimately meaningless universe, what makes one choice better than another?
Seriously, fuck it.
https://redd.it/1cdvawg
@r_suicidewatch
The game is over why am I still playing
Everyone keeps telling me
"it's okay to be a little behind everyone else and we all learn at our own pace"
But I'm literally the same age as my friends and they all have jobs, a social circle, relationships, and sex... I have none of that I blame my autism and social anxiety but they keep telling me it's okay and none of that stuff matters and I have plenty of time to be like them
But why does it feel like it's too late? Yeah I'm only 21 but they were doing all those things when we were still in high school and I'm still essentially a kid when I want to be an adult like them
https://redd.it/1cdt3bm
@r_suicidewatch
The Unbearable Male Sex Drive
Many people say it’s a gift but it’s a burden honestly. What’s the point in living with a sex drive so damn high with a porn addiction and can’t get laid. It’d only be fair if Women had the sex level sex drive as Men but unfortunately that’s not the way the world is.
https://redd.it/1cdrhel
@r_suicidewatch
Holding on with two hands but this void really is just calling my name.
I can feel myself going crazy in real time. I just can't take this anymore. I am holding on for my family but Jesus Christ. I don't know why my life had to be this hard. I think if things suddenly were okay for me I still wouldn't be able to be happy because I have never been happy. Just a dark day today I guess.
https://redd.it/1cdl0xh
@r_suicidewatch
I hate mornings
I hate when I wake up and a surge of dread and anxiety comes over, crippling me for a few hours until the afternoon, and then it stops. Why does this happen? How am I supposed to get a job like this? F*ck.
https://redd.it/1cdmjgs
@r_suicidewatch
Can someone please tell me I have value I am struggling
I’m trying really hard. I’m 26 male and I feel so lost and don’t know what to do. I have been fighting off suicide for years but I feel like I’m at the end and it honestly looks appealing. I don’t want to hurt the few that care about me. I swear. I’m just so done. Love you all. Please stay strong. Much love
https://redd.it/1cdjigx
@r_suicidewatch
What is even the point?
I just turned 29, I am disgusted with myself, I realized nothing, I have no prospects for the future, I am alone.
Thought I would have my life figured out by now, the last 5-7 years felt like a bubble, no progression, no nothing other than picking up a bad gambling habbit in desperation to maybe "luck" my way into something.
https://redd.it/1cek8vs
@r_suicidewatch
Staring at my phone after an attempt
Tears are running down after what I did. Ended up throwing up everything i ate. I feel so awful. I wanna go back to an year ago when everything was fine and I was okay.
https://redd.it/1ceka4i
@r_suicidewatch
God doesn't hear me
He doesn't. He probably hates me
https://redd.it/1ceiy47
@r_suicidewatch
I'm over everything
I'm just over it all. Lost my cat yesterday. Loved her like my daughter. I feel super alone. I'm sick and I smashed my toe at work. Every woman I've talked to is either in a relationship or straight up doesn't have feelings for me and gives mixed signals. I've just been crying in bed. I don't know why I was never good enough. I really tried to be the best person I could possibly be, and tried to help others on here. I'm just so tired...
https://redd.it/1cej619
@r_suicidewatch
Everything feels terrible. Please help.
I don't have the words to say how I'm feeling, it's all just too much for me. I just want it to stop more than anything. Please, I need comfort so badly right now. I really can't do this by myself.
https://redd.it/1ceeilg
@r_suicidewatch
Higher than giraffe pussy but sad as hell still
Would appreciate some responses and/or messages fr
https://redd.it/1ce9tmp
@r_suicidewatch
“It’ll get better”
Another very very low night. It seems selfish that others expect us to regularly go through these kinds of low spells over and over and over again just to call us selfish when we finally can’t take this feeling anymore. I’ve been contemplating taking a solo vacation and just not returning. Seems like the kindest way to handle things bc even though I’ve been called selfish for being depressed I’m not. I would never put my family or anyone I care about through the pain of finding me. I’m actually still here to this day bc I am purely living for others. This is hardly my life anymore. I have nothing for myself.
https://redd.it/1ce566g
@r_suicidewatch
How old were you when you first started thinking of suicide?
i’m curious cause i wanna know if anyone had a experience similar to mine. Im 18 now, but the very first time suicide really came to me as an option was when i was 10 years old. i was dealing with something pretty heavy at that time and i remember staring at myself in the mirror and feeling comforted by the fact that i always had a way out if things got any worse. I wouldn’t have done it, but it was something about the fact that i knew i could. It was the one and only thing that made me feel better. I remember i set weird goals. Like in 6th grade i said to myself “if i don’t get better by 8th grade i’ll finally do it”. And it’s thoughts like these that have followed me my whole life since then. I remember hearing someone describe feeling suicidal as “the darkest pit of despair” but it never felt like that for me because i’ve felt like this basically my whole life. it feels like it’s all i’ve ever known. did anyone else also start feeling like this so young?
https://redd.it/1ce4sym
@r_suicidewatch
It's crazy how people just create life and assume their child will want it
To like life enough to think, "Yeah, let's give this to someone else!" is an absolutely foreign concept to me. I never asked for this shit, so why do I have to just accept it?
https://redd.it/1ce0lun
@r_suicidewatch
I'm on the verge of suicide by cop
Im bringing my replica gun w the orange tip off to the park after hours later tonight and will wait for police to tell me to leave. I already typed out a note in Word and printed it, saying my apologies to everyone, specific parts for certain people,, who to send things to etc. Part of me doesn't want to go through with it but a huge part does.
I have attempted in the past with pills at 18 and also another attempt of SbC a yr or 2 ago. I recently lost my job, a relationship, have no connections to anyone in general. My own family doesn't even want to listen to anything i say and my extended family talks shit behind my back (confirmed) and have been. The loneliness is eating me alive. There is no sense of community irl anymore, people are selfish and out for themselves or have ulterior motives. Social media has been a stain on society for the most part. I see no hope in the future with stagnating wages while the cost of living goes up. I am completely hopeless and hope something drags me out of this pit by tonight.
Just needed to state my frame of mind, if I were to tell any of my "friends" they'd just leave like others have in the past after attempts/telling them how i feel. Thank you for listening.
https://redd.it/1cdzk87
@r_suicidewatch
i cant imagine not dying to suicide
what the title says, whether its in a month or 20 years, ive been like this since starting secondary school and as time moves on i realise more and more that 'it gets better' doesnt apply to everyone
https://redd.it/1cdnolb
@r_suicidewatch
The love of my life is dead. Now I want to be dead too.
He was only 25. He didn’t fucking deserve any of this shit he was dealt in this shitty fucking life. He was the one and I’ll never find another like him. He’s all I want. If he’s not here then what’s the point? I can barely get myself out of bed each day. I just don’t know how to keep going without him. I’ll be stuck with this grief and depression for the rest of my life and it’s no way to live a life for ~60 more years. I want to die in hopes that I will be with him again. I’ve been thinking about ways to make it happen peacefully.
https://redd.it/1cdqbod
@r_suicidewatch
"He didn't show any signs"
I really dislike this kind of statement. The person "showed no signs." There are always signs.
I am by no means saying anybody, who missed the signs in somebody they lost by their own hand, could have done anything other than what they did. That is part of the problem I am trying to communicate.
I think about suicide a lot. A LOT. Method. Manner. Motive. I often wonder if today is going to be the day. Not so far. :/
When we say somebody "showed no signs", we are letting people off the hook. Not you, dear reader. If you lost somebody this way, you are a victim as I see it. There are always signs.
The problem is, they are taught not to show the signs. Long sleeves in summer. A razor blade tucked away in the desk. Crying alone in their room. Somewhere along the way, the person was taught they needed to hide the signs. It might have been a parent, a teacher, a bully, a friend, a grandfather, or just a misinterpreted scene in a movie. For me it was my mother.
There is no chance to debrief, to contextualize, or to vent. I can't even say I necessarily blame whoever it was who taught them this lesson. I am sure they didn't even realize what they did. I tried to talk to my mom about the thoughts I had. She absolutely flipped out. Angry at me, the elementry school kid who realized life isn't actually worth living. It made an impression.
I am still here because I am a coward. Please don't contradict me on this with platitudes of "no it actually means you are strong/brave/etc". No, I assure you. Cowardice. The same feeling that kept me from riding roller coasters. The same feeling I get when I didn't want to jump off a cliff into the lake even after I watched my friends do it and turn out fine. Cowardice. The inability to face my fear in pursuit of something I want.
But to function, I can't show it. The few friends I have left would abandon me if I talked about suicide as often as I thought about it. Countless 'friends' have abandoned me. I couldn't hold a job if I came to work with visible, fresh cuts. I would be medicalized in the horrifying American health care system being a broke shlub.
So I hide it.
https://redd.it/1cdln4s
@r_suicidewatch
If u are a teenager read my post
If u need someone as a friend or vent out to here is my insta.: ayk9690 .it is private but I will accept because We all need someone .I am only willing to talk to teenagers or people till their 20s since I don’t think I can comfort people where I have never been in an adult like stituation(ex divorce).I am 17 and as much as u need help I do too and making someone feel heard makes me feel like I have a purpose to live.I have post on my thing but don’t be fooled by all the smiling in my pictures life is hell
https://redd.it/1cdjz1e
@r_suicidewatch
16 male I ended someone's life
I was in a car accident that ended the other person life. I think about it every second I just think about the other guy and how he will never see his family again. It's not fair that he died and I didn't I have no idea how I can go living
It's just so painful to think about I really tried to make the best of it and try to give back to this world but I think I just ruin everything. Edit I'm 18 not 16 misspelled
https://redd.it/1cdeeen
@r_suicidewatch
