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r/SuicideWatch

29 Apr 2024 14:07

my father (48m) doesn’t deserve shit

my father was 28 when he and my mother 25 had me. little did i know my mom did not get to choose to have me and my two brothers.

my mom married him because her family forced her to. she didn’t like him because he was immature. she eventually moved to america after nine months of having me.

somewhere along the way she stole his money around $9000+ to pay for her family to come to america. (her mother, her father, her brother, her brothers wife and two kids) so thats 6 people. this was in early 2005.

he gets mad and proceeds to rape her and give her a second child, making him the sole provider of 4 people now. (his mother, my mom, me and my brother)

4 years past. i turn 4 years old in 2008. my dad put a down payment on a mortgage this time and its around 2000+ a month.

the police is called on my mother for taking his money by my aunt and his mother. we run to the police car where our mother is at.

year 2009 my mother gets pregnant with her third child as my father was baby trapping her. how would she be able to provide for 3 kids without another parental figure?

year 2012 our father takes us all back. i remember a lot of yelling and arguing. we were sheltered, my mother was going to college all day my father works in construction.

he was mad that she didn’t want to work for the kids he chose to give her. i know my father as an immature man from a young age. (9-13)

she said she came to america for freedom so that she’s able to get a better job but it was harder than she expected and her plans of paying him back disintegrated somewhere along the way of the treatment she received from him and his mother.

he fucked my mom on the same bed all three of his kids were sleeping in. i was in 3rd or 4th grade.

he took us to work and his co workers would call him a sex machine and he would laugh and say to them that he’s a sex machine.

he grabbed me and forced me to kiss him on the cheek when i was in 3rd grade? he had never shown me affection through physical means in my entire years of living at that point. i thought he was drunk.

I hated my mom for taking her anger out on me. she chose to abuse me the most out of my siblings. i was abused so bad my injuries covered me in purple and blue all across my thighs and arms. she chose to repeat the cycle.

fast forward 2017 my father loses custody of us because my mother wins the court case as she was raped and you cant lie in court.

he lied to me told me he cared about me, told me he’ll always be there for me, cried with me. fooled me. everything was a lie. i was 13 years old in 7th grade.

from then, my mother works minimum wage providing for 3 kids and herself. she takes out all of her anger on me bc she sees it as i was the one who freed her rapist (i didn’t know she was raped)

during this time all i knew was the emotional, psychological, mental damage she caused on purpose to me because now this was her life. i was the scapegoat, the matyr, my sacrifices were expected.

keep in mind she is actually in the wrong for abusing me as she never had a functional family her parents both being narcs as well.

fast forward 2022 i am 17. i see my father once every 2-3 years. he sees me and immediately explodes at me while we’re eating out because i am breaking out?

i don’t see him till November of 2023. after 1 year in college. i had spent 8k that year on my brothers and and i to eat food as my mother forgot to fill out forms eradicating government assistance for a good two years.

i ask my father why he chose to have 3 kids if he was just going to leave them and not give a fuck. he didn’t see any value in the children he chose to create as he screamed to me that, me and my brothers don’t do shit. we were dependents.

that he doesn’t owe me shit. after i had said that he raped my mother. i know his girlfriend been with him awhile because he was cussing and fussing about how he never wanted to divorce my mother with his gf in the car ( so he didn’t have to pay child support )

he chose to have kids just to give up after 5